Inside Scoop.

Watch carefully...

I know...I know. What in the world am I wearing?! LOL!! It was originally given to my mom by a friend from Korea. It's this super comfortable, well-ventilated, and very ugly dress that no woman should be caught dead wearing outside the house. A Korean house dress, if you will. I'm not ashamed of wearing it. It's the only thing I can stand to wear these days anyway. In fact, I'm never giving it back!

But back to the issue at hand. That display of belly quakes is just a taste of what I have been feeling and seeing for the past month. The kicks I felt as early as 17 weeks. But I didn't actually see my belly gyrate until about 5-6 weeks ago. First it was just a poke at a time. Now it looks like he's training for the UFC!!

Wanna know what he's doing in there??

So, now you know what Baby is doing on the inside!! Crazy, right?! What is he doing, stomping away at my insides like that?! LOL! It can get pretty intense sometimes. And he likes to stretch his legs and stick his butt out against my belly. I like to take my fingers and rub his butt. I think he's ticklish because he always moves it away when I do that. Little does he know, I'll be wiping that butt for many years to come! He might as well start getting used to it now.

Inflation: Part II "Bigger is Better"

So it's been about 4 weeks since the last photo. My belly doesn't look that much bigger but it is. It's definitely rounder and fuller sideways. My hips and bum are also wider and fuller. LOL! And according TheBump, my uterus should be the size of an eggplant. Now, I don't know about you, but I've seen eggplants of all sizes...so I guess it bodes well for them to compare it to something that varies (in case you're bigger than you oughta be). It's like watching your hair grow. It seems like it's staying that that ugly length by your shoulders for what seems like forever. Then one day, you look in the mirror and realize that it's long!!

Not that I do this often, but I can no longer see my hoohaa. I'll just keep bending forward and forward until I fall over. But I can still see my shoes. Can't tie them!!! But I can see them. The best is how clumsy I've gotten. My hands can't seem to hold on to anything anymore. Normally, this would be fine except that I can no longer bend over to pick the crap up! I really like when I drop paper....super flat and impossible to pick up. Sometimes I just want to take off my shoes and socks just to use my toes.

The back pain has increased to a constant dull ache. I can no longer sit on the floor in the living room to eat. It's too difficult getting up and the hardness of the floor does a number on my pelvic bones. I have to lean on my side and use my arms to push myself up off the couch. And I have to use a similar maneuver to get out of bed. And seeing as how my bladder is shrinking each day, you can imagine how many times I have to do that every night. When you decide to start trying to get pregnant, they should say.....visit your doctor, start taking prenatal vitamins, and do lots of arm exercises. Because my arms are getting a workout!!! I guess it's preparing you for all those times you'll be lifting, rocking and carrying the baby.

My belly button is almost an even plane now. And the skin around my belly is so stretched out...it has a nice sheen to it. LOL. At night, I'm even bigger due to the swelling. I bet if I put a light on it, you can see the reflection from outer space! I put on lotion occasionally, but I couldn't care less about getting stretch marks. I've gotten them before due to weight gain and, believe it or not, they do go away. I think they just tell you it doesn't to sell you all those creams and oils. Besides, I'm a little too old to be walking around with my midriff hanging out, no? What, am I in Vegas?? Tacky.

Boobs. Everyone wants to know if the twins got bigger. A little...yes. I'm not Pam Anderson by any means, but they are fuller and my bras are a little tighter. Luckily, I have some bras that are a little too generous in size. I must've bought them right before my period, know what I mean ladies? Plus they were on sale..so I went a little crazy and bought a bunch. Well, they're coming in handy now! I guess I should enjoy these suckers while I can. From what I hear, they don't just go back to their normal size. They get smaller!!! Even concave. I keep picturing two mudflaps for breasts you can serve dip in. Always functional!

Yesh, the female body goes through quite a few changes in its lifetime. It really is incredible. You can read or hear about it....but unless you're willing to attach a bowling ball to your belly, add weights to your ankles and wrists, let a woodpecker peck your head every other week, lose all emotional control, give up your taste buds, place a rubber band around your bladder and stomach, be stupid, have smoker's lungs, give up good sleep....ALL FOR NINE MONTHS, you'll never know what it is to be pregnant until you are.

It's a small price to pay for the what you get. Something so precious and one-of-a-kind. A creation that no one else can duplicate (putting cloning aside, that is). It was hard to have this perspective in the beginning when I felt like I was rockin' the smallest boat in the biggest storm. Compared to the nausea and vomiting, all these other discomforts are bearable. I just want Baby to be healthy, kicking on the outside as he is on the inside. I can't wait for his arrival!!

Baby Bug Love Friday

What??? I just wanted to see if it'd fit!

LOL! Doesn't it look like Bug has a reverse boner?! You should see it when he wags his tail. Too cute! I was looking at the newborn onesie, trying to picture the human being that is supposed to fit into such a tiny piece of clothing..and in the corner of my eye...there he was. The victim. Poor Bug. I couldn't resist....he's the perfect newborn size.

I often wonder how Bug will react when Baby gets here. I wonder if he'll see him as competition, the way he sees my mom. He loves my mom, but for some reason, he keeps thinking she's going to steal his food and sleep in his bed. I know she's a small person but she's not THAT small! So, imagine a person who IS as small as he is! P and I think he'll ignore the Baby completely, realizing that THIS particular human has no control over doggie treats or trips to the dog park. We do expect an occasional attempt at food being stolen right out of Baby's mouth...but that's later. Hey, at least the baby will never have food on his face. Buggie will lick that sucker clean!

Jane Fonda...where are you?!

P and I just went to the hospital for the Birthing Prep Class. You know, the class where they talk about labor and delivery and show you that frightening video of a baby coming out of a woman's hooha. I especially loved how they showed it right before lunch.

I know I'm only 24 weeks and I was afraid that I might have the smallest bump in the class (which I didn't). But I am soooooo glad I took it early!! The nurse talked about a lot of good stuff. The kind of stuff you think you know or read about, but actually makes more sense when someone is telling you the same thing in person. I know much more about the different drugs they offer you and when and why they administer them. And strangely, I'm not so enthusiastic about the epidural anymore. I'm not afraid of needles and I'm not concerned about it being harmful to the baby. It's all safe. But what really bothered me was when the nurse said it would SLOW the whole labor process down. WHAT?! Slow it down?! You see, the epidural numbs you....YAY!! But it also numbs all the sensations that would naturally cause you to push and progress the labor...BOO! So, it's a give-and-take situation. Knowing myself, I would probably trade the extra laboring for the lack of pain. Hey! Don't judge me!

We also learned all some breathing techniques and massage positions for those intense contractions. Here's why I'm glad we took the class early. Labor is a workout!!! I'm not talking about the pushing for hours and hours part. I'm talking about the squatting and strange positions you do before you ever start pushing. In early labor, you take a walk...soak in a warm bath...maintain the excitement of meeting Baby finally. But in active labor...key word being "active", you are HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HAWWing and HOO-HOO-HOO- HOOing and bending over and sumo squatting for every contraction. This is if you have not dilated to the size of grapefruit and you have not had your epidural yet. You could be doing this crazy song and dance for HOURS!!! before you push. Meanwhile, P is supposed to be doing all this with me...AND massaging my back and pelvis! The nurse made if very clear that these techniques were meant to "distract" you from contractions, not "relieve" them. Great. We were both exhausted after the class. I was actually laying down on my side on the mat...ready to pass out. So it's weights for P and lunges for me! And to think, there were women in that class delivering this weekend!! Good luck, honey.

Don't get me wrong. The class was really actually a lot of fun. I loved hearing the man next to us gasp with each shocking piece of information and his wife giggle with embarrassment. The nurse was really enthusiastic and optimistic, reassuring us of all the measures that are taken to make mommy and baby happy and healthy. But I think my favorite part was how much fun you have with your partner. It truly is a time for you and your baby daddy to bond. P was reading all the material and putting complete effort into all the exercises and really just made me feel so much more confident about the whole thing. We weren't just doing the motions like some of the yahoos in the class. We wanted to get it right the first time which is probably why were so pooped towards the end.

I'm glad we took the class and I'm super glad we took it earlier than normal. It gives us that much more time to prep our bodies. Now where is that dang yoga mat!?!?!

Inflation

At the request of my friend Benny, here's a photo of my belly. Too bad I can't get footage of the all the kicking that's going on inside.

I am so happy to say that I'm feeling much better these days. I will still take the advice of my smart P and consider them to be good days in a sea of bad ones. That way when I do feel like crap every once in a while, I won't be so surprised. The nausea is pretty much gone, along with most of the food aversion. Although I did get a whiff of some hamburgers on the grill the other night and I almost tossed my cookies.

I think my ankles are swollen...at least I hope they are. Otherwise...dayam! I've got chunky ankles! I can feel my joints and muscles loosening up, getting ready for the big expulsion. And I can no longer lay flat on my back without feeling like I'm trying to breathe underwater. It's getting increasingly challenging putting on my shoes and socks. Painting my toenails was a doozy. And with this baby hanging really low in my pelvis, I'm finding the thought of going commando more and more appealing everyday.

With the nausea slowly lessening, my appetite is gaining strength. Along with it are new challenges, such as bloating, gas and heartburn. Fun stuff. And I think I've skipped the whole 2nd trimester boost, although I do have a about 3 more weeks left, so who knows. Maybe a day of cartwheels will sneak in. Can you imagine?!

The shed in the backyard is 99% complete. (BTW, the instructions say it takes 30 mins. YEAH RIGHT!!) Soon I'll be spending what little energy I have packing up boxes, making space for Baby :) I've got baby showers to plan, showers to attend and much, much more! Now that I feel better and the days don't feel like so long, I can't seem to keep up. I don't know how I ended up being 23 weeks!

Belly update...

The depth of my belly button is getting shallower. I think this is very funny :)

Bug, the baby.

It may seem ridiculous to call Bug my firstborn. But that's just to those of you who don't understand. Either you've never had a pet or just didn't give enough consideration to your current pet's needs...I don't know. For those of you who have/had a little doggie, (not one you can leave outside) you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. It's not easy. They're not like cats, all independent and self-cleaning. Unlike most dogs, you can't leave Bug outside. He'll literally freeze to death. Well, that or run away. And I'm not saying this because he's my first real pet. Nu-uh! I've had about 6 dogs before Bug ever came along. Both indoor and outdoor dogs. Trust me, Bug has tested my parenting skills in more ways than one.

How Bug has prepared us for parenthood:

1) He vomits. A lot. If he drinks too fast or too much...BLAH! If he eats something new...BLAH! If he didn't digest well...BLAH! If he gets distracted while chewing....BLAH! I've never used so much OxyClean for anything! And he gags all day long, as if he takes after me and my sensitive gag reflex. So weird.

2) Can't be left alone for long periods. When we first got Bug, we didn't know if he was potty trained or not. I was never successful with my previous dogs so I was hesitant to leave him alone in the house. Therefore, he spent hours on end in the bathroom, poor guy. Eventually, we did let him roam the house....but we never left him alone for more than 4 hours at a time, thinking his bladder would eventually burst. So, my errands and outings would revolve around Bug's schedule. And not just me, the whole family would converge everyday to discuss who would be home and at what time, to make sure there was always someone to take him out to pee.

3) Wakes me up a lot. I'm a very light sleeper, which should come in handy when Baby comes along. But I never thought the dog would wake up so often, and it's not because he's barking. We tried to get Bug to sleep in his own bed every night. At some point in the middle of the night, he leaps onto the bed and under the covers. Here's the thing. He doesn't stay under the covers. He gets hot eventually and walks backwards until his body is uncovered and his butt is in one of our faces, then walks on top of the comforter, and plops down onto his side and lets out a giant sigh. We call this his hot pose. Oh, but it doesn't end there. Eventually he gets cold and shimmies his way under the covers again. This process is repeated several times during the night. And I wake up for each glorious step. (BTW, P sleeps through most of this. Lucky duck.)

4) He takes advantage of grandma and grandpa. Here's a typical scenario: We take Bug out to pee and an hour later, he's hopping around asking to go out again. Now P and I know it's because he saw another dog or a lizard outside. So we don't take him out. After a few rounds of the take-me-out dance, he runs to grandma. Of course, she falls for it and reaches for his leash. Smartypants.

5) He's defiant. We know he hears us. We know he understands. We know he is capable of compliance. But if Bug doesn't want to...he's not going to. You can almost see him roll his eyes when you tell him to sit. Sometimes he looks away and around him as if he didn't hear you. You know the look, the-"Oh I'm sorry, did you say something?"-look. And sometimes he just gives you the stink eye and walks away. The nerve of this little dog!

6) He cries. This one is not so bad, thank goodness. He doesn't cry out loud like a real baby. It's more of a high-pitched whimper. Sometimes, he does it when we pick him up (he doesn't like that at all). Sometimes, it's because he wants to go out (whether to pee, poo or see the other dogs in the hood). Sometimes, he whimpers when we've already gone to bed and he hears grandma and grandpa have just come home from the restaurant (he likes to say hi to them before he hits the sack). For whatever reason, he cries. And just like a baby, they can't speak to tell you what they want, and you have to learn to read the differences.

7) He needs bundling up. I don't dress Bug up because it's funny or cute. This dog actually needs to be clothed or he'll shiver his head off. In fact, every source we could find has said that Miniature Pinschers need to stay warm. And they weren't joking. So Bug has a wardrobe full of sweaters and jackets. All of which he hates to wear. It's like having a doll...or a baby!!!

8) He likes to sit between mommy and daddy. This is the funniest. Whenever P and I are sitting around on the couch, Bug has to sit between us, just like a child. Although I don't know why human children do it exactly, I think I know why Bug does it. First, he wants the maximize the amount of body heat he can get. Again, he gets cold easily and being sandwiched between two people doesn't sound so bad. Second, this also maximizes his chances of getting some adoration. Always the opportunist. Lastly, I like to think it's because he loves us both and wants to be near us. I don't know if this is true...but I'm gonna think it anyway.

9) He's smarter than you think. You know what they say, kids these days are so smart. Well, Bug is too smart for us. He is the smartest dog I have ever had. We don't even mean to train him and he learns. Like the time he was barking at something outside...and I went to see what it was. It was a lizard that was sunbathing. And I said..."Oh it's a lizard, Bug. That's called a lizard." After that, if I say, "where are the lizards?" he runs to that window and looks for the lizard. If I say "squirrel," he goes to the back window where the squirrels hang out.. He really listens when you speak and tries to pick up on words he knows. You don't even have to be talking to him and he'll learn to associate certain words with places and actions. And because of this, the whole family has to watch what they say. LOL! I'm just glad he can't repeat what he hears.

And just like a real child, Bug'll do something cute and funny that helps us forget all the ways that he's made our day a little more crazy and us a little more tired. It's all worth it!! And it's only going to be 1000 times better with our real baby!! I can't wait!