You Made It!

Let's party!  N is 100 days old!!  This means I have about 8 months to plan his first birthday party.  That's just not enough time!!  And I have W's 3rd birthday party to plan as well.  We totally didn't do anything for his 2nd birthday because I was all pregnant and nuts, so I gotta make up for it this year.  Trains.  That's all I'm gonna say.  It's going to be about trains.  Then 3 months later....it's N's big Dohl!  I know it's stupid to think I have to do a lot for their birthdays, especially when they're so young.  I guess I just secretly love planning these sort of parties.  Also, I want them to look back on their pictures one day and know that we make a big deal about their birthdays because it is a big deal.  I'm so loving life with these two boys, I want to celebrate their births in a big way, know what I mean?  

We decided to keep N's baek-il celebration small and at home.  The truth is, we just don't have a location in the OC that would accommodate a bigger crowd, like the rest of P's family.  So, it was just the grandparents and a couple of good friends.  Plus, we're all sick again!!  Unbelievable!!

One thing I absolutely love about N is how chill he is.  I remember W at this age.  He was (and still is) very sensitive to the presence of others.  He really wasn't a fan of crowds and being fussed over.  N just took the whole thing in stride.  I thought he would lose when the grandparents were cracking up over something W was doing.  It. Was. Loud.  But he just sat there in his bouncer, taking it all in.My MIL rented the towers and brought the dduk.  And my mom did all the cooking.  It's been a long time since my mom had to cook for a party.  She used to do it all the time.  I remember this well because I got stuck cleaning the whole house by myself.  One of the disadvantages to being an only child.  Not to mention the fact that my parents are quite messy.  Anyway, she went overboard and cooked a whole bunch of stuff.  W, of course, was happy to have so many people to talk to about .... whatever it is he likes to talk about.  He spent the first 10 minutes showing everybody his new train, Belle.  So cute.  Our good friends and their little one came over later on and we all went for a nature walk around our neighborhood.  The kiddos had a blast throwing the ball around and making grandpa chase after it.  It was a really great day.  Good people and good food.  I wish we could do this everyday.   

Doesn't W look so big!?  BTW, that's his fake smile.

A rare family photo.

I don't know why they all look so surprised.  

My mom would kill me if I didn't take a photo of the spread.

The man of the hour.  Same outift W wore on his baek-il. 

Sweet Child Of Mine

Let the toddler activities begin!  Loves the water beads!!

It's been a few weeks now of just me and the boys while P is at work.  It's hard and tiring.  But it's only hard because I'm tired, does that make sense?  To be completely honest, it's not so bad.  Especially since my mom comes by a few times a week in the afternoon to help out with the baby.  This allows me to take a short nap with W, which is sooooo important.  Of course, I love snuggling with my boy, too.  The truth is, W makes it easier than it should be.  Saying this may bite me in the ass later, but he no longer throws fits and seems to have mellowed out quite a bit.  He was pretty mellow to begin with so you can imagine, it's been pretty nice.  I can reason with him and he understands that most of the time, he'll get what he wants if he waits.  The best part is watching him interact with his baby brother.  He's crazy about him.  He's always running over to kiss him and hug him.  And he loves to climb up on the side of the crib to see him.  Once, N was crying and W dropped his toys and ran upstairs.  I snuck up behind him and watched him look into the crib and say, "Are you ok, baby?  Go to sleep, baby!  Don't cry."  I was a puddle.  Sooo sweet!  And he's always wanting to pick him up, putting his arms around the baby, saying "Want baby?  Take baby out?"  In the morning, after a snuggle and a few books, we head downstairs.  I always say that we have to wait so I can get the baby and he comes marching in behind me into the baby room and says, "Come on, N!  Let's go!" and heads to the stairs.  Such a big brother already.

This isn't to say that W doesn't have his moments.  Sometimes I feel like he's jealous of the attention we give N.  Though I'll admit that N gets neglected quite a bit.  If he is ever jealous, he never takes it out on the baby, thank goodness.    I try to give W a lot of attention and teach him that he's responsible for N as well.  Sometimes he gets so happy around N that he doesn't know his own strength.  I swear N looks a little scared when he sees W coming.  But it could just be my imagination. 

When the weather finally warms up, we'll be able to take this messy activity outside!! 

I'm going to enjoy this brotherly love as much as I can because I know any day now, it could all change.  And I know it won't be long before they are fighting over toys and hitting each other.  Not sure how I'll handle that, especially since I'm an only child.  I have very little tolerance for whiny kids so I can imagine myself being quite militant.  I know.  I know.  Shocker.

Perhaps I should take one of these photos and frame it for the boys to see everyday.  That way when they're not getting along, they'll be reminded there was once a time when they loved each other.  I have always wanted an older brother.  ALWAYS.  So, it fills me with so much joy to know that N has an awesome one.

Love N's nonchalance.

I'm so over this.  

Great.  He's a hugger.  Sigh.

Really, how can I complain?  I get to hang out with these two handsome fellers all day.  What do you think? Do they look alike?  

Are You Ready To Rumble?!?!?!

Okay, I had something else written before this post.  But it's been one of those days and I gotta vent.  For starters, we're still all sick.  Oh that's right, we're ALL sick.  It's been over two weeks and we've been basically fighting the cold of the century.  I guess I should be thankful that it's not the flu, but c'mon!  Over two weeks!!!  And AFTER P goes back to work from paternity leave?!  Have mercy on me, please!!

So, there have been nights when W will cough so hard that he pukes in his crib.  Last night was one of those night.  I know what you're thinking.  What about a humidifier?  What about Vapo rub on his feet?  What about, what about...what about!  Well, we're doing it all, but he still coughs, okay?  And there isn't much in the way of medicine for a 2-year-old.  So whaddaya gonna do?  I didn't have any clean sheets so I just wiped up what I could and put a towel over it and put him back to bed.  He woke up happy this morning but then spent the rest of the morning deciding that being glued to my right side was more fun than playing with trains and cars.   Awesome.

Nap time.  Thank God W and N's nap synced today!  They usually don't.  Grandma comes over and takes over with the baby while I get some zzzzz's with W.  But he wakes up wailing.  Totally unhappy and cranky.  Bad dream?  Feeling sick?  It's mommy and not daddy?  Probably all of the above.  Sigh.  So I finally calm him down enough to go downstairs so he can eat.  But he promptly loses it when he sees grandma.  It makes no sense.  She's been coming over a few days a week for months now!  Why does he act so alarmed when he sees her!?  Again, I gotta calm him down and get him to a point where he trust her enough to eat lunch, while I get ready for the day.

Where to go, where to go?  Poor W is going stir crazy being home all the time.  It's not only because we're sick, but also because I've been trying to fix N's schedule.  No such luck yet.  I decide my boy deserves a day at the indoor playground.  Perfect.  I can grab some Thai food at the restaurant next door.  Feed N while W plays with grandma.  It's gonna be great.  I park, haul the kids out and walk over to the door.  The lights are out.  They're closed on Mondays.  Oh you gotta be kidding me!  Here's where it starts to go bad.  The security guard sees my disappointment and says, " Why didn't you call first?"  Um, why the fuck would I call first when they are usually open Mondays?  Idiot.  I asked him when the times changed and he said that it's been about a month.  Great.  So I give him the dirtiest "you're a moron" look I could and shuffle back to the car.

Now, W is really not happy.  He loves the indoor playground and that was just about the biggest tease you could give him.  He kept pointing to the place saying, "Want to go there!  Want to go there!"  I didn't know what to do , so I said that we'd go to Target!  Yay!  We love Target.  They got toys for him, stuff for me.  I can do a little shopping and get some retail therapy.

I park.  W and grandma get out first.  I'm taking the baby out of the car seat when I see this lady walks up to W to say hello.  Which normally would be fine, but today is not a good day.  It's a grumpy day all across the board and I can already tell this is going to go bad.  W loses it and starts to cry, clinging on to my mom.  And the lady is just standing there, like as if he's just gonna snap out of it and give her a big hug or something.  Dumb ass.  So then I give a big sigh and close my eyes.  Clearly I'm upset as well.  Then I say, "thanks a lot."  Not really to her, cause she's not standing anywhere near me.  I'm still getting out of the car at this point.  We start walking in and she says to me, "it's because you spoiled him." Say what, bitch?!

Me:  How does being shy make him spoiled?  Wow!
Bitch:  It's because you spoiled him. (shaking her head)
Me:  How dare you judge me being a mother!  How dare you!
Bitch:  Don't yell at me!  You should respect your elders!
Me:  Not when they're stupid I don't!  How dare you judge me as a mother!
Bitch:  I wanted to say hi because I love kids.
Me:  And just because he cries makes him spoiled?  He's shy!!  You stupid bitch.  (that's right, I said it)
Bitch:  (gasp)  You are yelling at me and call me stupid?!  You have no respect for elders!
Me:  You should be ashamed of yourself.  Walking around and judging people!  Who are you to judge me!??!
Bitch:  You yelling at me?!
Me:  Just keep walking. You should just keep walking.  Shame on you!  SHAME. ON. YOU!!!

Now, at this point, I'm real sorry that I'm holding the baby because I was boiling mad.  I was about clock her.  Then she stops walking and gets in my face...

Bitch:  No, you keep walking.
Me:  Shame on you.  You're a disgrace!  You should be embarrassed.

Then she proceeds to shove me and says "what?  You wanna hit me?"

AS I'M HOLDING THE BABY!!  I lose it!  I start yelling at everyone around, " did you see her shove me?  Did you see this lady shove me and my baby?!?!"  People are nodding and looking at her like she's the devil.  I say, "I can't believe you just shoved my baby.  There are cameras everywhere!!! I'm gonna sue you!!!"

She's pretty much running away, but trying to make it look like she's walking.  And all the while saying to me, "shame on you!  Shame on you!!"

No.  Of course I didn't report her.  She's a stupid old lady, who will probably die a lonely death.  With her 50 cats and hoarded collection of plastic grocery bags.  What do I care?   All I could think about was getting some hot water for N's formula and how I was going to pummel that lady's ass when I saw her again.

Shop. Shop. Shop.  Whine. Whine.  Finally home.  I bathe N and let him play in the water for a bit.  He's a water baby, unlike his brother was.  So I let him kick around.  And I just stare at his face.  Just staring.  I stare at his sweet innocent face, wondering where in the world could I move my kids to, where they wouldn't have to deal with such moronic human beings as I did today.  There is no such place and I feel sad.  Kick. Kick. Splash.

Who's next for a bath?  I bathe my boy and all of last night's puke off of him as my baby is wailing away in the next room.  Where is a cloning machine when you need one?!!!  I'm determined to get this baby to sleep well so I read to him on the floor and then I nurse him.  He's totally falling asleep and I think, we might just bypass the witching hour tonight.  Omg.  It might finally happen!!!  Of course, this is the moment when W comes roaring into the room, all happy, naked and totally amped up for story time.  I tell him, "Shhhhhh!!!  Baby sleeping.  Shhhhh.."  And he looks at me and says, "Shhh."  Puts his little finger to his mouth and keeps saying, "Shhhhh."  Then he gets cross eyed looking down at his finger and yells, "One.  OOOOONE!! "  Get it?  One finger is the number one.  I can't help but start to laugh.  He's just too funny for me to stay in my funk.  I tell him to go to his room and read books.  That I"ll be there soon.  So he walks off saying, "Be there soon!!!  I promise!!!"  Something I say a lot.  God bless him.

I feed N, put him down and he starts to cry.  Hello, witching hour.  Nice to see you again.  I walk over to W's room, plop on the  bed he won't sleep in and cuddle with my son.  We read,  N cries.  We read some more.  And then I realize N's not crying any more.  Silence.  Should I be worried?  Turns out the kid put himself to sleep without much of a fight.  Thank you, God.

I'm tired and I should sleep.  But it's 8 o'clock and I haven't eaten lunch today.  So I'm gonna savor my two pieces of Stouffer's French bread pizza and do some laundry.   I might shower.  I might not.  Don't judge me if I don't.  Or I'll have to kick your ass!!!

Happy Happy??

I gave in.  We took the boys to the happiest place on earth!  We got annual passes to Disneyland after friends of ours convinced us that it would only get more expensive later when W will need a ticket.  Arm and a leg.  That's all I have to say.  I saw some families with 5 or more kids and I'm like..."do you have a tree in your backyard that sprouts money?!"  How can people afford this?  And there were some families there that I swear I saw on that Honey Boo show.  Red.  Necks.  

I always felt that W was too young to appreciate or even enjoy Disneyland..and for the most part, I was right.  He was more interested in the water fountains and puddles than anything Disney-related.  LOL!! We thought he might enjoy it after he discovered the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on TV.  He did meet Mickey and from what P said, he was happy to see him but did not want to pose with him.  Hehe.  I have photos of myself as a child, absolutely terrified of those giant characters at theme parks.

We went on Super Bowl Sunday.  Should be pretty empty, right?  O. M. G. It was the exact opposite.  It was soooo crowded that it took forever just to get into the park! And what is with the two elevators for strollers for the parking structure.  Are you freaking kidding me, Disneyland?   Two?!  REally?!

Well, once we finally got in, all W wanted to do was hang out in the stroller.  He was tired already and a little overwhelmed by the crowd.  Not that I blame him.  Oh, and it was hot.  Yup.  It's freaking January and it was hot!!!  What's funny is... P ran into an old friend and that guy went to Disneyland on Super Bowl Sunday last year and he said it was completely dead.  So it's a mystery as to why so many people decided to go this year.  

It's a little daunting to think that I will be taking the boys alone throughout the year.  We got the passes so we have to use them, right?  Hopefully it'll only get easier each time.   We bought a double stroller, too!  He actually slept for 2 hours in the stroller that day!  He must have been really really tired and overloaded.  See, we need the double stroller.

The line to get on the elevator to exit the parking lot.  Sigh.

Main street.  He was staring at the trolley tracks the whole time.

Isn't his shirt adorable?  

Infant sized hat too big for my infant.  

Auntie J giving me a break :)

I find this picture funny, because we look happier than the kids.

I wish I still had my hat from when I was little.  It looks exactly the same.

The only ride he rode.

P was still on paternity leave so we decided to give Disneyland a second chance.  We went on a Thursday that same week.  Yup! Twice in one week!  We crazy like that.  

This time it was cold but still crowded.  Why??!?!  But we cheated and parked at Downtown Disney.  So, ha!  It wasn't as crazy with people as Sunday but still.  There were a couple of rides that had super short lines so we took W on those.  We spent most of the time in Carsland, which is funny because none of us has seen the movie.  He has a couple of Cars books, though so he knows Mater and McQueen.  

All in all, I think W liked it.  I think he liked it as much as he likes... say, Target or Toys R Us.  Lol!  But it's something new and each time he'll be familiar with more and more things.  

This ride was a little crazy and fast, so he clung onto daddy real tight.  

Poor guy, giving me that "Why am I not sleeping?"

He did a little better on the jungle ride.   He stared into the water most of the time.

Like the flare?

Bros For Life

Just one more day.  Just one more day of paternity leave and the real fun begins.  I'm being fearfully sarcastic, of course.  Our biggest challenge right now is N fighting his sleep and having major gas and no way of letting it out.  Mommy and daddy are good farters.  I guess not all things come naturally.   It seems so painful and he's so unhappy at times, I feel angry for him.  No little baby should have to go through this.  Now I must try to figure what is causing his gas.  This oughtta be fun.  It could be anything!!  I just pray to God that it's not chocolate.  Though it would serve me right, since I have gained sooo much weight.  Not only is nursing not burning off any fat, my metabolism has come to a screeching halt.  Awesome.  Getting old is a hoot.  Wrinkle cream, an ever-increasing waistline, sagging body parts.  Oh! and I got a postcard saying it was time I got my first mammogram.  Seriously?  We're here now?

We are looking into preschool for W.  Which would make it much easier for me.  But I'm not looking forward to it at all. I'm gonna miss out on so much.  All those giggles and cute little things he says.  Sigh.  I guess I have to learn to let go and let grow.  My baby is going to enter the real world.  Not for another 7 months but STILL!  It's going to happen and there's nothing I can do to stop it.  I am, however, looking forward to having some bonding time with N, like I did with W.

I think these two are going to be good friends.  It would break my heart if they weren't.  Do you hear me, boys?!  It would break your poor mother's heart!!  So be nice and look out for each other.

He voluntarily kisses only N.  Everyone else has to ask him for one.

He's so giddy that he and N are naked.  

Dancing machine.

Pooped already??

I would give anything to know what W is thinking when he looks at his baby brother

Trial and Error...And Madness

So, remember how W used to fight his sleep as a newborn?  It was misery.  Pure freakin misery.  And I still don't know for sure who was more miserable, him or us.  Well, I regret ever complaining about it because it turns out there's a whole nother level of misery shoved underneath that one.  Sucks balls!!!  N not only fights his sleep, he doesn't sleep for more than an hour at a time.  He hates his crib and wants to be held and rocked to sleep.  But wait, it gets better.  You have to walk around holding him.  God forbid you sit down in a rocking chair... you know, to "rock."  Nope, gotta walk.  Gotta walk my fat ass back and forth in a small room, in the dark while holding him as he snoozes away.  This is barely tolerable during the day when I'm awake.  The middle of the night is truly a test of patience.  I can see why enemies attack at 4 o'clock in the morning.  There is no normal functioning going at that time.

Let's try to see the brighter side of things as well.  Otherwise I'd go crazy, right?  Okay, so here goes.  Nursing is getting easier.  N eats much faster now so I don't have to do those hour-long sessions.  I was dangerously close to dropping him a couple times because I had fallen asleep while nursing at night.  He's gaining weight and looking more and more like W every day.  If I didn't look at their pictures side by side, I think it would take me a second to figure who I was looking at.  Crazy.  What else?  Oh!  He smiled!!!  He smiled at P 3 times in a row and tried to coo at him.  He smiled at me just now, too, but we also smelled something rotten. So I'm pretty sure he was fart-smiling. He's starting to stay awake more, which is a bit of a relief because I don't know how you'd fix their days and nights if all he wanted to do was sleep all the time!!  And I hate to admit this, but I feel a tinge of jealousy when I watch him sleep.  Only because I'm THAT tired.  Jealous of my sleeping newborn son.  The shame.  

Awake and checking out his mommy's face (or camera)

This is N at one month.  Smiling in his sleep. Why the yarn?  Why not?!

W loves being face to face with the baby.  If only he would stop touching him with his booger finger.

What do you think?  Next year's Christmas card?  LOL!  He'd kill me!

Right now, we are conflicted with the whole CIO and No-Cry Sleep Solution.  We made W cry it out so much, we're not sure we didn't damage him.  So we decided with the next baby, we weren't going to do that.  But here we are again, at our wits end, letting N cry.  It's the most horrible sound.  I HATE  THE SOUND OF BABIES CRYING!!!!   I've always hated it.  Never able to ignore them when we're out. In fact, in my version of hell, there are babies crying all around me, while I stand in an unmoving line for the bathroom, in the heat and wearing heels for all of eternity.  You know when people say, "oh it'll be different when it's your baby.  You won't mind the sound so much."  SHUT UP!  It's worse because it's coming from my baby, you idiot!  I would definitely use a time machine to go back and smack that person in the face.  (if you can't tell, I'm incredibly tired and cranky.  N has been crying on and off for the last few hours and I don't know why.)

One major blessing through this crying ordeal is that W can't hear it when he's sleeping.  We always have white noise playing in the background and it totally blocks out N's crying even though they are one wall apart.  Thank you, Jesus!  Every day I kiss W on the head and thank him for being such a good boy and sleeping through the night.  Again, a tinge of jealousy that he gets to sleep.  Shame.  Shame.  Shame.  

It's only been a couple of years since W was a little bitty baby.  So you think I'd remember what it was like to deal with these newborn issues.  But I don't remember much at all!!!  In fact, I'm surprised at how frustrated and lost I feel with these issues.  I find myself asking these same questions and am completely baffled that the answers don't come to me naturally.  Again, I'm sure it's because I'm so tired.  What the hell am I doing blogging if I'm so tired, right?   Well, I can't stand regret more than that I can't stand being this tired and I'll be damned if I don't keep some sort of record of what life was like as a mom of two babies.  Besides, my baby is crying and there's no sleeping with that sound in my ear.

Hopefully in a few months, this will pass and N will be a much better sleeper.  If anything, that is the one trait I hope he has in common with his big brother.  Two good sleeping kids.  Is that a myth?  Can it become a reality?  God, I hope so.  

Oh Crap! It's Croup!!

It has been forever since I've stepped into a museum or gallery.  A friend had told me about this great exhibit featuring cars and trains.  Instantly, she thought of W.  He dreams, eats and breathes cars and trains.  Seriously, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if he ended up having a career that deals with something on wheels!   We also got these cool passes for the kids that allow one adult in for free per child.  That's right, P and I got in for FREE!!!  Awesome!  I'd never considered LACMA a place for children but there's actually quite a bit for them to do there.  They had this fun noodle installation outside, which was a huge hit.  I was a little nervous about letting W play in because it is cold and flu season but it's pretty hard to resist when you see all these other kids having so much fun in it.

Waiting to cross the street, holding daddy's hand.

A noodle exhibit.  W LOVED THIS!!!

A smile that can level me.

Daddy!  You gotta get inside the noodles!

Where's W?

O.M.G.  Could this be any cooler?!?!

He stood like this forever, trying to take it all in.  

Needless to say, W was enamored by the exhibit.  I have to admit, it was crazy cool!  I can't even imagine how long it took to design the piece, let alone install it.  It's one of those things you can stare at for ever and ever and still feel like you haven't looked at it enough.  Truly amazing.  It runs for an hour and then off for an hour throughout the day.  When they stopped the cars for the break,  we tried to leave like the rest of the crowd, but W was sooooo not done with his observation.  We literally had to drag him away.  And the only way to get him out the door was to promise him that we would come back after we had a snack.  Normally, I always keep my promises, especially to W.  Kids remember this stuff.  But I had to break this one because it was freezing, I had to feed N, and I thought we had caught the last run of the exhibit, only to find out later there was one more hour of run time.  But we'll be going back for sure.  

Time for a snack.

Well, I can't be sure that this outing was the reason W got sick.  All those germs on the noodles, perhaps?  We've been taking him to lots of places.  He doesn't go to school yet and he gets a little stir crazy at home.  Plus, he's been such a great big brother, he deserves to go out and play as much as he can.

He got real sick, real fast.  We thought it was whooping cough because...well, he was coughing and whooping.  He was vaccinated for it so chances were really slim.  But then again, he was vaccinated for chicken pox and still got a mild case of that.  A visit to the docs revealed that it was croup.  Even the name sounds awful, right?  Poor guy coughed so hard he threw up.  It was all downhill from there.  And to make it worse, he wouldn't take the medicine we got him to relax his throat.  He's much better now but man! It makes you wanna keep your kids indoors and hibernate.  Bears are smart.  The hardest part was keeping N and W apart. Especially since W always wants to touch and cuddle with the baby.  Thank goodness P is still on paternity leave.  Stupid croup.

I guess it's only a matter of time until the boys start passing viruses back and forth to each other.  That oughtta be fun.  Then we'll get sick, too.  It'll definitely be a family affair.