Make You Feel My Love

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven’t made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I’ve known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong

I’d go hungry, I’d go black and blue
I’d go crawling down the avenue
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rollin’ sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain’t seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn’t do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love

-Bob Dylan

Do you hear what I hear?

So, here's clip of W making the "mmmm" sound. I feel so bad not being able to understand what he so desperately is trying to say. Whenever he does this, I find myself doing it right back. Like I wanna help him say it. LOL! Do you hear the beginnings of "mama" or is that just wishful thinking on my part?

Still

I still can't believe he's our son.

I still can't believe I'm a mom.

I can't believe I gave birth!

I seriously can't believe I survived being pregnant. Ugh.

I can't believe I even got pregnant!

And there it is. P's and my mantra for the last 5 months. We still can't believe it all. I mean, did I want children...yes..one day. But it wasn't really in my sights for some reason. I was still struggling with finding a job. That was my priority. Whenever me and my girls would get together, the subject of "trying" always came up. I would pretty much stay quiet for this portion of the conversation, seeing as how I had no intention of "trying" any time soon. It happened anyway, didn't it? It's so typical of my life for it to have played out as it did. I'm the type of person who...won't jump off a cliff (cord attached, of course) willingly. You have to push me off. That's the only way it's going to happen. And that's pretty much how I ended up here. I think God "pushed" me and voila!

I'm still adjusting to the many changes in my life. The many sacrifices that need to be made in order to raise a child. I admit, my life before W wasn't the most glamorous. But it was mine and I loved it. I could do as I please. Before, Bug was the only real responsibility. He truly was our preparation. For instance, he always had to take care of business during the last 5 minutes of my favorite TV show. Always. Now, I just miss the entire show for whatever mommy reason. Still haven't eaten at a sit-down restaurant. You know, the kind with waiters? Who has time to wait??! I'm on a clock here, folks. I no longer listen to the radio in the car. It's been the same baby CD I made while I was pregnant, on repeat. The Grammys this year...no freakin' clue who those winners are. Haven't been inside a dressing room since shopping for maternity clothes. Haven't gone to see a movie in forever. Read for pleasure??Insert massive guffaw. All of my many hobbies are on hold indefinitely. But that's okay because I no longer have idle hands. I'm sure there's more...but it's been so long that I no longer miss these things enough to remember what they were.

The one thing I truly miss is my time alone with P. We were joined at the hip before. Maybe I crazy-glued him to me while he was sleeping, but WHATEVER! The point is we did everything together. Running errands all day was actually fun. Now it's a race to save my sanity. We hardly ever have time alone together. I really REALLY miss our lazy weekend mornings. We even trained the dog to hold his pee until we were good and ready to get out of bed. Freakin awesome. I don't think I'll be able to sleep into the double digits until the kids are in college. Sniff.

I know it sounds like I'm complaining. Oh how can she think about such trivial past times when she has this new baby in her life??!! Where are her priorities?!! Has she no shame?! No. Apparently not. Any new mom probably feels the way I do. And if they don't, well good for them. Let me put it into perspective for you. Until you've had to hold off wiping your own ass because you had to wipe someone else's first, don't judge. Take my shoes and walk a mile, would ya? Look, in the end, none of these complaints matter. When your life changes overnight, you don't just forget your old life without an afterthought. It lingers and you miss it.

But it's all worth it, right? If I hear that question one more time...someone's getting a black eye. Of course it's all worth it! Idiot.

If anything, I'll get to discover my old life again through W's eyes. We'll get to watch movies, read books, eat out...all that good stuff. And you know I'll be the bomb when it comes to crafts. Martha Stewart can kiss it! In time, I'll be sad that I have to do all these things by myself again. Get ready for future complaints.

La Bete Noir

W started sleeping on his tummy recently and it's been interesting. I'm getting used to the idea that he probably won't suffocate but you know how it goes. The second you put your defenses down is when it all goes to hell. So I'm still sleeping with one eye open, which is always glued to the all-too-bright monitor on my nightstand.

Last night...he woke a little earlier than he should've for his next feeding and starting moving around in the crib. Poor guy had his head right up again the crib and it was upsetting him. So I go in to move him and what do I hear? Beyonce. Beyonce and her damn "single ladies" anthem. I'm thinking that I'm dreaming. But no. Somebody (me) accidentally pushed one of the alarm buttons on the iHome and I guess it was set to midnight or something by default. So poor W was in sweet lala land when all of a sudden he's being woken by a clapping diva belting it out. He must've been traumatized because he woke up quite a few times last night after that. Not cool.

Mmmmmmm...

We started downloading the video footage we took of W since he came home from the hospital. Oh man...it's so weird watching it. It's only been a few months since W joined our little nest but you really don't know how quickly it goes by until you see footage of your wrinkly newborn. My how he's grown! And so fast!! He's twice the size now and he has so much more to say now than just "Waaaaahhh!" Yesterday, he started putting his lips together and making the "mmmm" sound! And he was trying so hard to say whatever it was he's been holding back for all these months. Oh! So cute! I secretly hope he's trying to say "mama" but he could just be saying "move" or "milk." Who knows.

The biggest development to date is that he rolls over now!! Wait. Don't get too excited just yet. He rolls over...but he's rolling over onto his tummy, not the other way around. I have lost more sleep this past week than ever before. I keep thinking he's going to smother himself because he can't roll onto his back again!! Why, oh why?! are you learning this important skill out of order, my son?! I don't know why he doesn't just wield that huge head of his and plop back again. It's not like he enjoys being on his tummy either. After what seems like the longest pushup known to man, he slams his head down and starts crying, too tired to do much else. I'll roll him onto his back again and he'll immediately roll onto his tummy again. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Sigh. Lots of sighing going on these days.

Everything goes into W's mouth nowadays.

Do you see my belly button?

My gums itch...right about here. Can I chew on something now?

My favorite...Sophie. I love chewing on her ears.

He's sleeping. I can finally sit down, relax and watch a little TV. Is there a load of laundry that needs to be folded? Yes. Are there 2 more loads waiting to be washed? Yup. A bed to make? Always. Wash my face and brush my teeth? That, I did. But am I going to do any of these chores anytime soon? HELL NO! I'm exhausted. And I don't seeit getting any easier any time soon. It's going to be a busy couple of months ahead. Busy in a good way, but busy nonetheless. Just thinking about it makes the knots in my back tighten. Sometimes, when I have a half an hour of free time, I panic. There's so much I want to do that I don't know where to begin. Most of that time, I end up just sitting there, staring at the wall. And you know what I realized? This house could use a fresh coat of paint!