Monday, March 4, 2013

Are You Ready To Rumble?!?!?!

Okay, I had something else written before this post.  But it's been one of those days and I gotta vent.  For starters, we're still all sick.  Oh that's right, we're ALL sick.  It's been over two weeks and we've been basically fighting the cold of the century.  I guess I should be thankful that it's not the flu, but c'mon!  Over two weeks!!!  And AFTER P goes back to work from paternity leave?!  Have mercy on me, please!!

So, there have been nights when W will cough so hard that he pukes in his crib.  Last night was one of those night.  I know what you're thinking.  What about a humidifier?  What about Vapo rub on his feet?  What about, what about...what about!  Well, we're doing it all, but he still coughs, okay?  And there isn't much in the way of medicine for a 2-year-old.  So whaddaya gonna do?  I didn't have any clean sheets so I just wiped up what I could and put a towel over it and put him back to bed.  He woke up happy this morning but then spent the rest of the morning deciding that being glued to my right side was more fun than playing with trains and cars.   Awesome.

Nap time.  Thank God W and N's nap synced today!  They usually don't.  Grandma comes over and takes over with the baby while I get some zzzzz's with W.  But he wakes up wailing.  Totally unhappy and cranky.  Bad dream?  Feeling sick?  It's mommy and not daddy?  Probably all of the above.  Sigh.  So I finally calm him down enough to go downstairs so he can eat.  But he promptly loses it when he sees grandma.  It makes no sense.  She's been coming over a few days a week for months now!  Why does he act so alarmed when he sees her!?  Again, I gotta calm him down and get him to a point where he trust her enough to eat lunch, while I get ready for the day.

Where to go, where to go?  Poor W is going stir crazy being home all the time.  It's not only because we're sick, but also because I've been trying to fix N's schedule.  No such luck yet.  I decide my boy deserves a day at the indoor playground.  Perfect.  I can grab some Thai food at the restaurant next door.  Feed N while W plays with grandma.  It's gonna be great.  I park, haul the kids out and walk over to the door.  The lights are out.  They're closed on Mondays.  Oh you gotta be kidding me!  Here's where it starts to go bad.  The security guard sees my disappointment and says, " Why didn't you call first?"  Um, why the fuck would I call first when they are usually open Mondays?  Idiot.  I asked him when the times changed and he said that it's been about a month.  Great.  So I give him the dirtiest "you're a moron" look I could and shuffle back to the car.

Now, W is really not happy.  He loves the indoor playground and that was just about the biggest tease you could give him.  He kept pointing to the place saying, "Want to go there!  Want to go there!"  I didn't know what to do , so I said that we'd go to Target!  Yay!  We love Target.  They got toys for him, stuff for me.  I can do a little shopping and get some retail therapy.

I park.  W and grandma get out first.  I'm taking the baby out of the car seat when I see this lady walks up to W to say hello.  Which normally would be fine, but today is not a good day.  It's a grumpy day all across the board and I can already tell this is going to go bad.  W loses it and starts to cry, clinging on to my mom.  And the lady is just standing there, like as if he's just gonna snap out of it and give her a big hug or something.  Dumb ass.  So then I give a big sigh and close my eyes.  Clearly I'm upset as well.  Then I say, "thanks a lot."  Not really to her, cause she's not standing anywhere near me.  I'm still getting out of the car at this point.  We start walking in and she says to me, "it's because you spoiled him." Say what, bitch?!

Me:  How does being shy make him spoiled?  Wow!
Bitch:  It's because you spoiled him. (shaking her head)
Me:  How dare you judge me being a mother!  How dare you!
Bitch:  Don't yell at me!  You should respect your elders!
Me:  Not when they're stupid I don't!  How dare you judge me as a mother!
Bitch:  I wanted to say hi because I love kids.
Me:  And just because he cries makes him spoiled?  He's shy!!  You stupid bitch.  (that's right, I said it)
Bitch:  (gasp)  You are yelling at me and call me stupid?!  You have no respect for elders!
Me:  You should be ashamed of yourself.  Walking around and judging people!  Who are you to judge me!??!
Bitch:  You yelling at me?!
Me:  Just keep walking. You should just keep walking.  Shame on you!  SHAME. ON. YOU!!!

Now, at this point, I'm real sorry that I'm holding the baby because I was boiling mad.  I was about clock her.  Then she stops walking and gets in my face...

Bitch:  No, you keep walking.
Me:  Shame on you.  You're a disgrace!  You should be embarrassed.

Then she proceeds to shove me and says "what?  You wanna hit me?"

AS I'M HOLDING THE BABY!!  I lose it!  I start yelling at everyone around, " did you see her shove me?  Did you see this lady shove me and my baby?!?!"  People are nodding and looking at her like she's the devil.  I say, "I can't believe you just shoved my baby.  There are cameras everywhere!!! I'm gonna sue you!!!"

She's pretty much running away, but trying to make it look like she's walking.  And all the while saying to me, "shame on you!  Shame on you!!"

No.  Of course I didn't report her.  She's a stupid old lady, who will probably die a lonely death.  With her 50 cats and hoarded collection of plastic grocery bags.  What do I care?   All I could think about was getting some hot water for N's formula and how I was going to pummel that lady's ass when I saw her again.

Shop. Shop. Shop.  Whine. Whine.  Finally home.  I bathe N and let him play in the water for a bit.  He's a water baby, unlike his brother was.  So I let him kick around.  And I just stare at his face.  Just staring.  I stare at his sweet innocent face, wondering where in the world could I move my kids to, where they wouldn't have to deal with such moronic human beings as I did today.  There is no such place and I feel sad.  Kick. Kick. Splash.

Who's next for a bath?  I bathe my boy and all of last night's puke off of him as my baby is wailing away in the next room.  Where is a cloning machine when you need one?!!!  I'm determined to get this baby to sleep well so I read to him on the floor and then I nurse him.  He's totally falling asleep and I think, we might just bypass the witching hour tonight.  Omg.  It might finally happen!!!  Of course, this is the moment when W comes roaring into the room, all happy, naked and totally amped up for story time.  I tell him, "Shhhhhh!!!  Baby sleeping.  Shhhhh.."  And he looks at me and says, "Shhh."  Puts his little finger to his mouth and keeps saying, "Shhhhh."  Then he gets cross eyed looking down at his finger and yells, "One.  OOOOONE!! "  Get it?  One finger is the number one.  I can't help but start to laugh.  He's just too funny for me to stay in my funk.  I tell him to go to his room and read books.  That I"ll be there soon.  So he walks off saying, "Be there soon!!!  I promise!!!"  Something I say a lot.  God bless him.

I feed N, put him down and he starts to cry.  Hello, witching hour.  Nice to see you again.  I walk over to W's room, plop on the  bed he won't sleep in and cuddle with my son.  We read,  N cries.  We read some more.  And then I realize N's not crying any more.  Silence.  Should I be worried?  Turns out the kid put himself to sleep without much of a fight.  Thank you, God.

I'm tired and I should sleep.  But it's 8 o'clock and I haven't eaten lunch today.  So I'm gonna savor my two pieces of Stouffer's French bread pizza and do some laundry.   I might shower.  I might not.  Don't judge me if I don't.  Or I'll have to kick your ass!!!

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