Friday, April 19, 2013

THe House Of Brotherly Love

All I do is go on eBay and buy trains.   I'm not kidding.  I'm totally addicted to rush the of a closing auction.  Of course, it's great when I win and sucky when I don't.  But it's all in good fun and besides, W loves his Thomas trains so much, so it makes it very gratifying as well.  Especially since there is no way I'm paying full price for those things!  Honestly, $21 for a wooden train??  Really?

I recently read this article written by a women who regrets having her children.  I know.  It sounds awful.  I mean, to feel that way is one thing.  But to publish an article about it for the whole world to see...that's just cruel.  Here's the thing.  I get what she's talking about.  I really do.  Being a mother was not what she envisioned for her future and it has cramped her otherwise very nice lifestyle.  She had to give up so much of her time and life for children she never wanted and she just wanted to express that.  I get it.  It's not easy going from having your own life, doing as you please whenever you please, to the complete opposite.  And it's all for people who care nothing for you!  Let's face it, kids are selfish creatures by nature.  They only know me, me, me.  That's why God designed them to be so undeniably adorable so that you don't mind giving up everything for them!! Right, God?
She also states that she loves her children very much and would cut off her arm if they needed it.  Ok.  So she does LOVE them.  What's funny to me is that I kept waiting to read the statement, "but it was so worth it."  Or something along those lines.  Isn't that what people always say when complaining about some aspect of parenthood?  I know I've said it.  I guess we've finally found someone who doesn't feel that way.  I don't understand.  How can you look at those cute little feet and bellies and smell that awesome baby head smell and not feel SOMETHING, right?  I think she's an Android.  That's gotta be it.  She's a robot.

Anyway, speaking of parental complaints.  I'm losing more sleep than ever!  When W, well, all of us, were sick, W kept waking up, coughing.  And I guess he got used to us coming into his room all the time.  Because after that, he has not gone a night without waking up for whatever reason.  For the most part, it seems like he's having nightmares.  Nightmares about a train he wants but can't have, or a couple of times the first thing he'd say to me is, "I want cookie!"  Growing up is hard to do.  How to do tell your beautiful innocent child that there are so many things in life that is out of reach.  A cookie is not one of the things you should be crying about.  Sigh.  Some nights, he wakes up more often than N does.  Those are the worst.  I get NO sleep.  Nada.  If I close my eyes, I stay in limbo where you hear the constant drone of the baby monitor.  I am more anxious during the night that I am all day.  It's awful.  I should be sleeping now, but part of me says, "what for?  someone's gonna wake me up any second anyway."  Save me.

Oh and my hair is falling out again.  That's been fun and gross.  I guess I can add vacuuming to my endless daily chore list.  Not to mention, P and I have started working out.  For P, it's more of a health thing.  He wants to be healthy.  For me, it's more of a I'm too fat to fit into ANY of my clothes and can't afford new ones, I look like a Fat Amy in pictures, I think my son thinks I'm pregnant again and I get winded after changing two diapers kinda thing.  We're also thinking that our diet is totally amiss with our bodies chemistries and I've started to cook a few gluten-free meals here and there.  So far, it's been fun and interesting, moving my ass and cooking on a regular basis.  Another reason I want to exercise,  I can't give up chocolate.  I now know that I have a legitimate and emotional relationship with chocolate.  Chocolate understands me.  It listens to me and tells me, today was a good day.  You did good mama, take a bite.  I know this is wrong, to use food as a reward.  But IT'S CHOCOLATE!!  It's more than a reward, it's a best friend, it's a therapist, it's a bubble-filled bathtub with scented candles, it's my go-to drug.  And let's face it, it could be a lot worse.  So, I won't give up chocolate, therefore, I must workout. 

I'm trying to drop N's night feedings.  It's a little sooner than I did with W.  I think W was eating solids when I weaned him.  So this is a daring attempt on my part.  But I need to get some sleep.  I actually fell asleep while waiting for my in-laws to come over.  You don't understand.  I don't fall asleep unless I'm trying to fall asleep.  So to be sitting in a chair, fully dressed with my cell phone in hand and to fall asleep, that says a lot about how sleep-deprived I am.  It never happens, I'm telling you.

Still, as tired as I am, I'm still so blessed to have these two awesome cuties as my sons.  I get to witness their relationship grow and it's oh so cute!  W is so sweet and crazy in love with his baby brother.  He's already claimed him as his.  He always says, "MY mommy.  MY daddy."  And now it's "MY Nicholas."  His smothering has only grown in intensity.  I always have to watch him because he likes to rub his big hard head against N's and it can be painful.  And he's always asking me, "want to hold him?  Want to hug?"  Don't you just love that he asks permission?  Such a good boy.  I just hope this brotherly love continues until they are old and gray.  I hope they always rely on each other, especially when P and I are long gone.  

Let me look into you eyes.

Want to hug?

Look at W closing his eyes, totally in the moment.

He loves when N does tummy time.  

Poor N.  Just don't choke him, son. That would be bad.

My personal favorite.  LOL!!  


  1. wes is such a sweet big these pictures..i get a little teary eyed looking at them..:) you are doing good mama!

  2. oh ..and yes you deserve that chocolate!!..where and when do you guys work out?..myung and i are trying to do the same..we are just so frigging tired all the time..we need to get healthier and get in shape so we could catch up with you saw at LACMA..we are