These days, I don't sleep much. This belly of mine is ridiculous. It's not just the frequent visits to the restroom or Baby's incessant wiggling and pounding (which I will talk more about later). It's the sheer discomfort. I admit, I'm normally not the best sleeper. I wake up easily and frequently. And I almost always have a hard time falling asleep, mainly because my mind won't shut off. But eventually, I DO fall asleep, unlike now.
The shape of my belly has to have something to do with it, I just know it. Almost every other preggo I know has a wide belly, expanding sideways and high. Mine is the only one I know that lays low and grows forward. I'm told I don't even look pregnant from behind. But look at me from the side and it's like an optical illusion!! I'm huge! This belly juts out like it's reaching for something!! Therein lies the problem. Imagine stuffing a basketball, NOT a pillow, under your shirt. That's what I look like. It looks totally fake. And when I lay on my side to sleep, the pull of this belly is so severe, I spend the entire night trying to situate it in a way that my sides don't feel like they about to rip off. I know my fellow preggos are uncomfortable as well and experience this battle to some degree. But I doubt they toss and turn until the sun comes up, work through the day like a zombie and repeat the whole process again. It literally feels like there's a 10 lbs. bowling ball taped to my sides with the strongest adhesive you can find. Turn on your side and, obviously, the ball wants to drop onto the mattress, but instead is hanging on for dear life by this tape that is slowly tearing your flesh away, layer by layer! Okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating with the "tearing" part. But you get the picture, right?
So, that's why I'm still up. Almost 1:30.
As for Baby's jam sessions, I have mixed feelings about this. I only know of one other person who's baby is as active as mine. Everyone else has a mellow fellow. On one hand, I'm grateful to have such an active baby. I don't ever have to kick count (I'd be done in 2 minutes). I do feel bonded to Baby because he reacts so much to the different things I do and eat. In fact, I truly believe it was when I first started to feel Baby move that I was truly excited about being pregnant. It made it all real. Undeniably, there's a baby in there. Most importantly, it's a way of knowing the baby is alive and well. Alive, anyway. Of course, it's also super fun for me and P to watch my belly do its little dance.
Then there's a part of me that wishes he would calm down a little. As amazing as it is to see these bumps move across my belly and to feel the constant thumping, it really hurts a lot of times. Especially when they occur on my sides. I find myself wincing and pressing on my belly whenever this happens. And at least once a day, I let out a little yelp involuntarily from the sharp pain that is Baby. It's especially fun when Baby decides to stretch out and rest his feet on my ribs. The head banging onto my pelvic floor is also a treat. That stops me dead in my tracks almost every time. One time, I was at the mall and didn't think I would make it back the car, the pain was so bad. At night, when I lay down, it's as if Baby knows there's a mattress underneath, and I swear, he jumps like he's on a trampoline. And with him running out of room in there, he has graduated to using his limbs to stretch the walls of his home...very very slowly. Not the most pleasant feeling, I tell ya. Sometimes I'll see a big pointy lump stick out and stay there for what feels like forever. What, is he doing yoga in there or something? And what if I get pregnant again, and that baby isn't active at all?? I'm so used to this constant reminder, how will I ever get my nerves straight with a quiet fetus??
For sure, this pregnancy has been a test of my limits. I feel as though I have experienced much of what I've read in so many of those books. I can sympathize with almost every other preggo's complaints. Notice I said "complaints," not joys, like eating normally again or feeling energetic. Nope, I am at an extreme when it comes to the pregnancy scale. I just hope it tips the other way the next time around.
2am. Time to pee and give sleeping another try.