So, I finally lost it the other night. It wasn't due to breastfeeding issues or anything like that. I was just frustrated with not knowing if W's fussiness was normal. Everything you read about babies insinuates that the baby is perfect. For example, they say you should pump immediately after you feed the baby. Okay. But it takes about an hour to soothe W to sleep. If I pump then, I will only have an hour if I'm lucky before the next feeding!!!! Makes me feel like W is abnormal or something. They don'twrite scenarios about if your baby is fussy or if you are alone and have to put the baby to bed yourself. And I mean, I could let the baby cry it out as I pump, but then you read how cruel it is and what a bad mother you are for letting let newborn cry! I mean, what gives?!?! What's wrong with the baby????!!!!
NOTHING. Absolutely nothing is wrong with W. He's perfect in that he is not perfect. No baby is. Took me a little while to wake up and realize this. I will put a little blame on a CERTAIN SOMEONE for talking only about perfect babies and how well-behaved they are. After hearing that for months, I think it got ingrained somehow that if your baby isn't robotically perfect, then he or she is a freak. So, thanks friend, who's name I won't mention! The rest I blame on all these so-called experts who write as if you can stick any baby into their formulas and get the desired results. Piss off, I say!! (I would be more vulgar but I think my in-laws read this blog)
What really helped was reading all these different forums about baby issues. A support group, if you will. It was P's idea and I'm so glad he made me do it. It was really great to hear I wasn't alone. Although I will say that I felt the most relief after talking to C about it and having heard that our baby is just like all other newborns. Forums are great, but that's just coming from individual opinions. C is like a consensus of all moms!
All in all, W is doing great so far.
He's a month old already!! He still has thrush but it doesn't seem to be affecting him in any way, so phew! for that. He's eating well, growing on track and slowing starting to acclimate to this new world he's now a part of. As much as I love how tiny and insanely cute he is as a newborn, I cannot wait until he is able to hold his head up by himself and start communicating with us (other than crying). A stable and predictable sleep schedule would be nice, too. Thanks.
We tried giving W his first tub bath.
It's supposed to be soothing and you know, W didn't hate it. What I did hate was how small our bathroom is and how cold it is in the rest of the house. Oh and I got my first "golden shower!" I guess all that warm water really made W spray happy. I feel like I got baptized into motherhood! But I think we'll stick to sponge baths for a little while longer.
I'm sad to say that P's paternity leave is officially over. I'm actually really scared to be alone with the baby. P is just so great with him and so patient. He even finds W's crying adorable, so he doesn't freak out and panic the way I do when I can't calm the baby down. I think W can sense this, too. He's much more responsive to his daddy than he is with me. I'm just the resident cow and usually get the frustrated and rooting W. That's okay, I guess. Soon, he'll be stuck with me and only me all day long. We're bound to become pals, right?
If I don't post for a very long time, just know that I've gone and joined the circus. Walking a tightrope has got to be easier than this!