Still

I still can't believe he's our son.

I still can't believe I'm a mom.

I can't believe I gave birth!

I seriously can't believe I survived being pregnant. Ugh.

I can't believe I even got pregnant!

And there it is. P's and my mantra for the last 5 months. We still can't believe it all. I mean, did I want children...yes..one day. But it wasn't really in my sights for some reason. I was still struggling with finding a job. That was my priority. Whenever me and my girls would get together, the subject of "trying" always came up. I would pretty much stay quiet for this portion of the conversation, seeing as how I had no intention of "trying" any time soon. It happened anyway, didn't it? It's so typical of my life for it to have played out as it did. I'm the type of person who...won't jump off a cliff (cord attached, of course) willingly. You have to push me off. That's the only way it's going to happen. And that's pretty much how I ended up here. I think God "pushed" me and voila!

I'm still adjusting to the many changes in my life. The many sacrifices that need to be made in order to raise a child. I admit, my life before W wasn't the most glamorous. But it was mine and I loved it. I could do as I please. Before, Bug was the only real responsibility. He truly was our preparation. For instance, he always had to take care of business during the last 5 minutes of my favorite TV show. Always. Now, I just miss the entire show for whatever mommy reason. Still haven't eaten at a sit-down restaurant. You know, the kind with waiters? Who has time to wait??! I'm on a clock here, folks. I no longer listen to the radio in the car. It's been the same baby CD I made while I was pregnant, on repeat. The Grammys this year...no freakin' clue who those winners are. Haven't been inside a dressing room since shopping for maternity clothes. Haven't gone to see a movie in forever. Read for pleasure??Insert massive guffaw. All of my many hobbies are on hold indefinitely. But that's okay because I no longer have idle hands. I'm sure there's more...but it's been so long that I no longer miss these things enough to remember what they were.

The one thing I truly miss is my time alone with P. We were joined at the hip before. Maybe I crazy-glued him to me while he was sleeping, but WHATEVER! The point is we did everything together. Running errands all day was actually fun. Now it's a race to save my sanity. We hardly ever have time alone together. I really REALLY miss our lazy weekend mornings. We even trained the dog to hold his pee until we were good and ready to get out of bed. Freakin awesome. I don't think I'll be able to sleep into the double digits until the kids are in college. Sniff.

I know it sounds like I'm complaining. Oh how can she think about such trivial past times when she has this new baby in her life??!! Where are her priorities?!! Has she no shame?! No. Apparently not. Any new mom probably feels the way I do. And if they don't, well good for them. Let me put it into perspective for you. Until you've had to hold off wiping your own ass because you had to wipe someone else's first, don't judge. Take my shoes and walk a mile, would ya? Look, in the end, none of these complaints matter. When your life changes overnight, you don't just forget your old life without an afterthought. It lingers and you miss it.

But it's all worth it, right? If I hear that question one more time...someone's getting a black eye. Of course it's all worth it! Idiot.

If anything, I'll get to discover my old life again through W's eyes. We'll get to watch movies, read books, eat out...all that good stuff. And you know I'll be the bomb when it comes to crafts. Martha Stewart can kiss it! In time, I'll be sad that I have to do all these things by myself again. Get ready for future complaints.