Big Man On Campus

 I don't swim.  I'd like to, but I suck at it.  But it's worth the trip if I get to see my men having fun together.  We're in the middle of a major heat wave, so I don't go out with W by myself.  I'm always in danger of fainting because being pregnant means I have no way to regulate my body temperature.  I get hot...and it's all downhill from there.  Remember this episode?  But this weather is great for the pool and I gotta say, my son looks good with a tan!

He's getting too big for that floaty.  Time to pass it on to his little brother.

He loves letters and numbers right now.  He goes around the pool saying all the depths.  

Isn't he so much bigger and older-looking now?!?  I'm talking about W, not P.  My husband still looks the same as the day I met him.  I'm so happy our family is growing!!  If I were 5 years younger, I'd be thinking about having at least 2 more kids, but this girl is only a girl at heart.  Sometimes I think my body is mad that I'm pregnant again.  How dare I?!  I hope I can hang out for playdates soon.  I miss my seeing my friends and their kids.  The older I get, the less time I have for myself, the more I need my galpal therapy.  Just hanging out, talking about whatever can do wonders for the soul.

Hi-five!!!!

Oh wait!  De plane! De plane!

Kiss daddy!  

This is the best.  He finds flowers and brings them to me.  

Look at the concentration on his face.  Two flowers, one in each hand.

Here, mom.

You're sweet, kiddo.  

       Sigh.  God is good.  Life is good.

Back To Life, Back To Reality

Remember that song?!

No I didn't go on vacation.  I WISH!!!  I got knocked up instead.  Hahahaha!  Yup, I'm about 17 weeks pregnant.  And no, we don't know what we're having yet.  But we're really excited that W is going to have someone to play with.  This has been my dream for him, for him to have a sibling.  I know my parents' didn't have a choice but I wanted to make sure he wasn't an only child if I could help it.  Was our timing good...well, that's a horse of another color, but it's too late to think about stuff like that so....here we go!!!

I wish I could say this pregnancy is different from the first.  Wait, it is.  It's waaaay worse!!!  I know, right?  After all that suffering the first time, you would think this one couldn't be any worse.  But it has been doozy. I can't believe that W was the easy pregnancy.  Sigh.   I thought I was okay around 10 weeks, but then, much to my confusion, I got worse as time went on.  I kept thinking....WTF!?  Why am I getting sicker and sicker?  Well, it got so bad that I ended up in the hospital.  I spent 3 nights and 4 days there, hooked up to an IV and getting no sleep.  They kept checking my blood pressure just when I was falling asleep.  Weird.  Why was I so sick?  Well, it turns out my pregnancy hormones made my thyroid go bonkers.  I now have hyperthyroidism.  Yay.  And as a result, my morning sickness got worse.  Not only do I have to see and perinatalogist because I'm old, I now have to see an endocrinologist to maintain my thyroid levels.  I was really freaked out for a while because if the medication I was taking was affecting negatively, I'd have to have a thyroidectomy during my pregnancy!  YIKES!!!  But so far, the meds are working and I'm doing much better.  Insert huge sigh of relief.  

In the end, going to the hospital was the best decision I could've made.  The folks at the hospital really took great care of me and fixed me right up.  My OB was so great, letting me ruin her weekend and visiting me every morning!!!  She's so awesome, she's worth the extra 15 miles I have to drive from our new home.  I got back home feeling like I'd been given a second chance at life.  

For the past few months, I wasn't able to do anything but lay in bed, getting up only to pee or puke.  Fun, eh?  And I couldn't take care of my W.  That was the worst. THE WORST.  I missed out on so much.  Suddenly he knew all these new words he didn't before, and even the way he moves and plays...it's like I was seeing him for the first time.  He's even calling me "mom" now.   When did this happen!!!? I thought he would forget about me and for a while, it seemed like he did.  My MIL, my mom and, most especially, my husband really stepped in and took care of everything.  I wish I could say I suffered alone, but this pregnancy has been hard on everybody.  P was always great with W, but he had to be more than great.  He had to be mommy and daddy and housekeeper and provider.  He was basically a single dad for the past few months, getting absolutely no help from me.  The only mercy he'd get is that one of our moms' would do the dishes so that he wouldn't have to.  But other than that, it was all on him.  Poor guy.  Oh yeah, and he had to take care of me as well.  Sheesh!  

I missed my son sooo much.  I loved to hear him giggle with whoever was watching him, but it would also break my heart, too.  If you think about it, it's been me and him for the last year and half.  During the day, we were together every minute and it was wonderful!  Suddenly, overnight, I couldn't  even change his diaper.  The smell would send me spinning.  Even the smell of his Cheerios would make me sick.  Was I able to prepare his food?  Heck no!  Thank God for my MIL.  She bravely drove all the way to our house every week and played with W until papa came home.  If any good came out of this, it was that W got to know his grandma who lives so far away.

It was definitely hard to watch on the sidelines.  You have no control over the house, over meals, over how your child is being raised.  That was the hardest.  My teachings being derailed by whoever is with my son.  Sigh.  But that's life.  And I'm back in action so I'm working on getting life back to normal for all of us.  I don't know why I even bother when in just a few months, it's going to get crazy up in here!!!  I CAN'T WAIT!!   Just in time for the holidays, too!

I'm forgetting a lot.  But whatevs.  I'm tired of thinking about it all.  I'm just happy to be back.  Poopy diapers and all.

Lazy Day @ the Park

It was a nice day... in the shade.  We were supposed to meet at another park, but luckily someone was having a birthday party there and left absolutely NO parking for anyone else.  So we got booted to a nearby park, which totally worked out for the best.  There was a ton of shade, an empty bench for the parents, and ample parking.   W had a good time, I think.  We're going to be going a lot of parks the next few years and I plan on taking full advantage of our tax dollars.

I do have one suggestion to the state tax board.  Public restrooms, please!!!  Okay, that's three words.

Check out the kiddies....

Oh, Silly!

W's personality gets bigger and bigger each day. Being silly is becoming the majority of his repertoire. And the best part is....he's ticklish! Just like me! He goes nuts if you poke his sides and back and try to breathe on his neck. And he loves when you bite his legs and feet! Sometimes I wonder if the neighbors are going to come knocking cause they hear him screaming so much. But he loves it and we love the sound of his laughter! If joy made a noise...

Daddy's arm workout.

Plump raisin. Oxymoron??

Playing on goh-moh's inflatable bed. I was deflating this the other day, and W climbed on half way, giggling and such. I decided to jump on one end and make him bounce. Well, let's just say I didn't compensate for our weight differences. Sorry, baby. Mommy didn't mean to make you bounce so high.

Remember that hideous dress I wore when I was pregnant? Well, guess who found it and decided to make a cowl out of it? Okay, no. I did that. But he pulled it off the hanger!!

Yep. That's another dress of mine. He loves his crazy floral patterns! I hope he doesn't hate me later for posting these.

Next time you see him, just ask to see his belly button. As you can see, he's got no problems with this request.

I went a little collage crazy but it's the best way to show his silliness. All I can say is thank goodness for fast shutter speeds!!!

Always On My Mind

He's come a long way, my son has. Bearded old man in red suit is terrifying. But a freakishly large bunny with, in my opinion, scary eyes is totally normal according to W. Go figure.

W is 1 1/2 years old and it still hits me....omg, he's mine. I'm a mommy and I have to raise this whole other person so he doesn't end up being a deranged maniac! Just kidding. I don't actually think that unless I've watched a marathon of Law and Order SVU. But I do occasionally feel the weight of being a parent. Especially when we playing with other children. I observe the strange way kids communicate and rashness of their actions and I'll admit it, kids terrify me.

I guess it's more about who they will become and how what we do now to influence them when they're still so young that makes my stomach tie up in knots. Am I making the right decisions? Is this the very best I can do for W? If I mess up (and I have so many times already), will he remember? Will this damage him? Is he happy? Could he be happier? Endless self-torturing questions like these flood my mind whenever I have a free moment.

And when I'm not thinking about that stuff, I'm having nightmares about W going missing, or someone trying to snatch him while we're at Target. I am constantly reminding myself that I have to drop whatever it is I'm holding and go after the assailant with both arms swinging. Drop and swing. Drop and swing. Kick. Kick. Kick!! Eyes. Nose. Nuts. Those are my target. Should I be wearing steel-toed shoes, just in case? Would it be crude to wear a T-shirt that says, 'Touch my son and die'? Is it illegal to implant GPS tracking on our children??

Sigh. So this is love, huh?

Don't worry. W does not live in a bubble. He doesn't have a leash. I love when strangers talk to him and humor him. I let him wander around, even out of line of sight. He's always babbling so I know he's there. When he falls and looks to me, asking, "should I cry?" I've stopped running over to him each time. I just clap my hands and say, "Yay! That was a good fall!!" I no longer sweep him up and smother him with kisses until he whines. I wait for him to come to me. I discipline more now, though it's still not often because he's good most of the time. He's really growing up and I am already bracing myself for the day he leaves me for the real world.

I wonder if my own mother had these feelings about me. But I won't ask ever because a part of me already knows the answer.

Today, I heard him call me "mommy" for the first time!! Typically, I'm "mmm-meee" and sometimes "ham-mee." And when he's hungry, he says "um-ma" or "ma-ma." He picked up on "da-da" a long time ago and I've figured out why. I'm always with him. So there's really no need to call for me. If he needs me, he needs only turn around and walk 5 feet. Just like that. But more and more, I've been getting a couple hours to myself here and there (it's freaking awesome!). And our reunion is so sweet!!! I miss him sooo much in that short amount of time, jealous that I've missed out on whatever cuteness he's doing. When I finally see him again, he gets this huge grin on his face and points to me, saying "mmmm-meee!" It's the best.

As for #2, I know we should be working on this. After all, I absolutely do not want W to be an only child! But I have fears. Major fears about the pregnancy. Everybody is terrified of the thought of having to take care of multiple children. I'm not. I simply accept the fact that I will be overwhelmed, going crazy and crying occasionally. No problem. But what if I'm sick as a dog like I was when I was pregnant with W? That would be a nightmare!!! Not just for me, but for W as well. He would be cheated of a good mother. I don't even think I could change his diapers if I end up being as sensitive again. Poor W. Help? What help? Who?!!! I'm not lucky like my friends, with their moms and mother-in-laws, watching their kids and cooking for them. No sir, not me. It's just been me and W from day 1. And that's not going to change any time soon, sadly.

What to do, what to do..... should we go for #2??

I think I have my answer. LOL!! Holy cow. Did your ovaries burst, too? Ahhhh!!! Tooo cute!!!

Sleeping in Seattle

We did it! We traveled with W. Were we nervous? Very. First of all, we never slept in the same room as him. Since the day we brought him home from the hospital, W slept in his crib, in his room like a good little baby. So to share a hotel room with no walls to separate us was going to be interesting. What this meant that we would have to go to bed as well. No TV, no reading....nothing. In bed by 9pm?? I haven't done that since I was 12!!

Also, the forecast showed that it was going to rain, rain, rain the entire week of our visit. Great. And what the heck am I supposed to feed him?! I mean, he can eat normal food, but do I really want to feed him all that salty crap this early on? No. The hotel doesn't provide a fridge for us (c'mon Westin, seriously?) so that was another issue.

But it was our first family vacay. And regardless of the concerns, I was soooo excited! As soon as W came into our world, I knew my sole job was to be a good mom. And as much as I want to keep him sheltered and protected from this cruel place, I also know that the best thing I can do for him is the show him the world and pray that every experience will only make him a more open-minded and empathetic individual. Something we could a lot more of, if you ask me.

How did it go?

It was awesome!!! W was sooo good on the plane. He loved looking out the window and walking up and down the aisle (not easy to do in a 737). When we finally went into the clouds, he kept pointing to the window, wondering where the cars and building went. He was so patient the entire time!! And even though it was freezing and we had to wait for our bags and rental car, he was all smiles and giggles. Sigh. What a trooper.

Why Seattle? Same reason as the last time, medical conference! Kekeke. P had his annual meeting there and we decided to make into a family affair. The northwest is so beautiful, we just had to let W see it with his own eyes.

As for the weather, well, it rained. I'm sure it did. But we didn't really see much of it! It kept missing us. Ha!! Maybe next time, Mr. Rain. We did see snow fall. For about 5 minutes. Through a window of a restaurant. Ha!! But even still, it was freezing cold!! Thank you Grandma and Grandpa for getting W his Patagonia! He looked so cute in it and I think it worked because he was nice and toasty the entire time.

We went EVERYWHERE! It was so great to go back to all the spots I visited a few years back, only this time with my DS. Pike Place Market, yarn shops, Seattle Center, etc. But this time, we catered to our little one, too. We went to the Children's Museum( this place rocks!), the Aquarium(not so rockin), and, of course, the Woodland Park Zoo....twice! What a great zoo! Unlike LA Zoo, all the animals are visible. W finally got too see REAL animals! He waddled with the penguins, he growled at the lions and he mooed with the cows. So adorable!!! And this time, we had a car so we were able to see a lot more of Seattle.

There is one thing that Seattle is in dire need of. Korean restaurants!! Holy cow, we had an easier time finding Korean food in New Zealand than we did in Seattle. I don't know if it's because of Ichiro or what, but it's all about Japan over there. You'd think a city with so much cold weather would embrace a good bowl of hot, steamy soontofu. But nooooo. This made feeding W quite difficult. Towards the end of our trip, we did find a Korean restaurant, in a Japanese shopping plaza, of all places. Needless to say, we went back several times.

I wasn't sure if we'd get any sleep during this vacation. Like I said, We've never slept in the same room as W before. But he did surprisingly great. Each day, we'd come back to the hotel, change into our pjs and slowly thaw out. Read a few Thomas books and hit the sack. I'd rub his belly and sing to him in the dark(this was something new for me). Then it was lights out for us, too. Honestly, I got soooo much sleep!!! Not only did we go to bed super early every night, we'd bring W into our bed in the morning and sleep another few hours! It was blissful. I slept to the point of grogginess. Happily groggy. The best was seeing W look out the window, eating his Cheerios and drinking his milk. Add the morning paper and you'd think he was grown man!

The very last night, W got sick. He kept waking up and we kept soothing him back to sleep. Then around 4 am, I realized he had a fever. A bad one. I felt like such a shithead. Poor guy was burning up and he just obediently went back to sleep every time we asked him to. Isn't that amazing? I think most babies would cry and cry because they don't feel well. Poor P had to take a cab to a drug store to get medicine. Even though W was feeling like crap, he was still great on the plane ride home. He even fell asleep in my arms! It's been a few days since we got back and W is still sick.

Even though our trip ended on a sad note, I'm so grateful we got a chance to go. We REALLY needed a vacation. A change of scenery. We never have babysitters or leave W with the grandparents. NEVER EVER EVER! We've only been away from W for one night for few hours, and that was when he was already asleep. We've missed weddings, out of town visits, family gatherings, you name it, we've been MIA. We could drag our baby around at night with us, just so we could get out. We could dump him off on others, just so we could have some personal time or party with friends. But P and I share the same philosophy. It's just a few years of sacrifice before our baby doesn't need us this way anymore. I can't get this time back. That's what I always hear. Enjoy them when they're this little. Enjoy I will! W will never be this little or this precious again. So I don't mind giving up my time for him. And I think it's paying off. He really is a good boy. His patience and demeanor during our trip was proof of that.

We're so proud of you!!!! Mummy and daddy love you very much!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

It's nuts!

My baby is almost 17 months old!!! It's getting to a point where I have to think for moment each time someone asks me his age. Each day he walks a little faster, which, of course, means he falls just as much, if not more. Is it weird if I put a helmet on the kid? He talks with more assertion(bossy, is more like it) and his range of emotion grows each day. In fact, he doesn't shut up. Boy, does he have a lot to say!! LOL!! His sense of humor is awesome, too. He giggles so much now, I call him the laughing idiot. He walks up to strangers, points at them, and starts cracking up. Any other age, this would be considered extremely rude, right? But luckily, everyone plays along and does whatever they can to keep the laughs coming.

I used to be the one doing all the entertaining. Not anymore! He dances, he plays peekaboo, and he LOVES being chased. His favorite thing is to stick his foot in my face and say "ah. ah." See, I used to bite his stinky feet. They're like marshmallows with little sausage toes! How can I not! And now he taunts me with it. Go ahead, mom. Try and bite me now. So cute. He even tries to play with Bug, but that dog doesn't have a clue. Sigh.

Of course, along with the laughs come the tantrums. Well, he hasn't had a tantrum yet. He just makes a really loud yelp and kicks his legs a couple of times. Then he just stares at me to see what I'm going to do. I'm not really sure how to deal with this (yes, I've ordered books) and I'm trying really hard not to be the kind of parent my dad was. Instead of rushing to anger and assuming threats are the way to go, I'd much rather just be patient and let my son know that I get it. Life sucks right now and I just feel like flaying my limbs about. Got it. I totally know how that feels. In fact, P has footage of me doing this very thing in college. Yeah, you heard me. College. You're never to old to throw a tantrum...in private.

For the most part, W is growing up to be such a little stud. He's my charmer and I'm so proud of him everyday. I get how my mom has been able to be my mom for the past 34 years. I'm not easy. I know this. But she has always handled it with a smile. Literally smiling. Because I'm HER baby. And no matter what I do, she's proud of me and she can't NOT love me enough. It's a pretty powerful feeling and it's something I pray will stay with me until the day I die.

He's such a trooper, too. Our little household decided to take turns getting sick. REAL sick. We all got that stomach bug that's been going around. Yuck. Diarrhea would've been great. But add some projectile vomiting and you get a front row seat to our house a couple of weeks ago. OMG. Poor guy slept fine, and we found him just sitting in his own poop in his crib the next morning. He had no appetite, which is like.....unprecedented for him. Scare the shit out of me. And then he popped a cheerio in his mouth, decided it was nasty, and let the projectile vomiting begin. It was soooo sad to see. I didn't have it as bad. Small mercies. I would not have been able to survive that day if P didn't stay home that morning. My hero!

A couple of days later, all is well except W is still not hungry and is now addicted to Pedialyte. Damn you! orange-flavored Pedialyte! Oh. And it was now P's turn to pay homage to the porcelain gods. After a couple of days of hell, he decided to suffer from a cold as well. Which is what my body decided to catch a few days after that. AHHHHH!!!! And I'm pretty sure W has a mild cold right now, although, it's hard to tell because he acts like his jolly self. How do I know he's sick then?? Because I suction a booger from his nose that's about a mile long. That's not normal, is it?

We're all better now, thanks for asking. I'm glad we got sick, though. Hopefully, we've built just enough immunity to carry us through our upcoming trip. While most people get away to warmer climates during the winter, we've decided that wet, dreary Seattle would be better. LOL!! Actually, we love it there and I'm so excited to take W on his first trip! I'm pretty sure I'll lose a ton of sleep and the rainy forecast will challenge me like no other. But it's small price to pay for our first family getaway! Now if I can just convince P that our son needs galoshes.

Some of my friends are thinking about #2. Some of them are already carrying them! Where do we stand on this issue. No comment. I've heard how much harder it is with two children. I try not to imagine but it's hard not to. After a little hyperventilating, I convince myself, I only have one right now. My biggest fear isn't the challenge of having two children. My fear is having a horrible pregnancy like before and having to change one of W's doodoo diapers!! Most parents have to stick their noses in their kids butts to see if they pooed. I can smell his poo from another room! How awful would it be to throw up on him while he's lying there! Shooting stars. Birthday candles. Wishbones. I only ask that this next pregnancy be an easy one. PLEASE!

What the heck is this stuff? And why are these kids so happy to be covered in it? Yuck!

This sand stuff, it's not coming off. Quick. Do something mommy!