Bug Love Friday

We almost lost this little booger yesterday. Well, P thinks he was just exploring the neighborhood and would've come back on his own. But for the few minutes that we couldn't find him last night, I was living a nightmare. I had a doozy of a dog day afternoon to begin with. Honestly, it had to have been a full moon or something. First, the DWP meter guy came and SOMEBODY didn't lock MoMo up. Momo is our guard dog, our I'll-eat-your-face-for-lunch guard dog. So I had to chain him up which isn't fun because he's always trying to get you pet him and sticks his big wet nose all over your arm and hand.

Later, in the afternoon, I decide to let Buggie takecare of business in the backyard WITHOUT a leash. This is something we've been trying as of late and, so far so good. He's been obedient and heads back into the house when we tell him to. But we always close the side gate that allows MoMo access because he and Bug don't get along. Basically, I'm afraid MoMo will eat Bug. Once Bug is done marking and pooing, we always re-open the side gate. Well, I thought Bug had headed towards the house again so I started to re-open the gate, where MoMo was eagerly waiting for me. Little booger Bug had snuck up behind me and gone right up into MoMo's face and started barking his little furry butt off! I was so terrified that MoMo was going to retaliate. I was screaming bloody hell and stomping my feet, trying to get them to go their separate ways. The neighbors must've thought I was crazy. Luckily...nothing happened. MoMo just stared at the little booger like...."you've got to be kidding." And I gave Bug a good spanking when we got back in.

The horrible thing was...all that stomping I did really messed up my pelvis. I was in so much pain for the rest of the day. Each step was filled with shooting daggers. Damn dogs.

Oh, but it doesn't end there. My dad decided to replace all the windows in the house last night. Now, my dad isn't the most patient person and he does things in a flurry, without any thought to anything else that is going on around him. So, of course..at some point, he left one of the doors in the house open. The side gate was also wide open so that he could go back and forth from the garage to the windows. And Bug found his way out eventually. We're not sure how long he was gone. I'm guessing about 15 minutes went by before we realized the house was Bugless. I was screaming his name everywhere....standing on our front lawn, half hysterical from the thought of my little precious Bug, walking this strange neighborhood all by himself. And I know if someone found him, we'd never see him again. Who would give back such an adorable little dog??? I was so panicked and I wanted to murder my dad. The idiot man who left all the doors open because he's too careless and lazy to open them when he needs to. Obviously, we can't leave Bug alone with this idiot man and we definitely won't be leaving Baby with him either!!!

Phil ventured down the street a little, while I stood there...blood pressure rising from thinking the worst. He had spotted Bug sniffing his favorite tree that sits in front of the corner house. I was so relieved to see his little black silhouette running towards his daddy and then, to me. I squeezed him, Lennie-style, and did the whole "don't you ever do that again!!" speech as I smothered him with kisses. I have a feeling that while I'm a the hospital with P, giving birth, my mind will be preoccupied with thoughts that my parents are going to lose Bug. I can see it now. Idiot man and his wife. Loses little dog while daughter gives birth to their first grandchild. They are going to be the end of me, mark my words.

Buggie is back home again...safe and under the covers, with his little tail sticking out. *sigh*

Three's Company

Now that we're getting closer to meeting Baby, all the advice I've received since the beginning of my pregnancy is flooding the forefront of my brain. Breastfeeding will be tough.... I'll probably cry every day for the first 2 weeks....You won't get more than 2 hours of sleep a day, etc. All that good stuff. But what's really been resonating in my mind is how I'll miss being just P and I. I find myself missing him already, even when we're sitting on the same sofa watching TV. Very soon we will lose that time alone and I have a feeling it will be very hard for me to get used to. It's been just the two of us for eleven years!!! Now, Baby ,I don't want you to think I'm going to resent you and that I'm dreading your arrival. It's the exact opposite. I can hardly wait to meet the person who has been residing in me for the past few months. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't wonder about what you look like and just how much joy you will bring to our lives. The only way I know how to explain it is that I'm going to miss being just "two" the way you would miss your old hometown. It's like leaving your quaint and provincial burb to move to the big city. It's so exciting and new and filled with experiences that you could never have back home. You'll meet new people, try new things and fill your life with new memories. But in your heart, you will always miss home, no matter how simple and sheltered it was. It is a safe and familiar place.

Who knows. If you're lucky enough, you'll get to go back one day. I guess that would be when the kids leave the nest and it's just P and I again. Though I might not have appreciated our long courtship at the time, I'm so grateful for the past 11 years I had alone with P. Most people only get a couple of years alone together before they start a family. In those 11 years, we've become best friends, created many traditions and established a solid foundation for our growing family. We've also helped mold each other into the people we've become today. I always knew P would make an amazing father. From the beginning, he was patient, compassionate and very giving. I hope some of that has rubbed off on me.

Here's a 3D photo of Baby that the perinatologist gave us a few weeks back. Even though we have this, I still wonder what baby will look like. I've seen many 3D sonograms and, trust me, all the babies look the same. Although I will say that I think he has my chin and puffy eyelids.

Inflation: Part III

Here's my belly at 32 weeks. Huge!! I swear I grew overnight. With 8 more weeks to go, I wouldn't be surprised if I doubled in size. It seems like everything I eat these days stays on my body in one location or another. Along with my belly, I can see my arms, chin, legs and butt getting bigger as well. I'm officially a fat lady...and I'm loving it!! I've always been a little chubby but at least this time I have a legit reason. Let's just hope it comes off after the baby comes out.

The Big Scare

Wow. I never thought I'd reach this point in the pregnancy. This weekend I will be 30 weeks. 30 WEEKS!!! In other words, 40 - 30 = 10. If Baby goes to term.....that means we have 10 more weeks left before his arrival! HOLY COW!! Ten is such a small number. I'm going to really freak out when we're in single digits. I keep doing the math in my head...just as I've been doing this entire pregnancy. But until now, the number has always seemed large in degree and Baby still felt so far away. Now all I can think about the labor and delivery. I haven't reached the "fear" of it yet. I'm more preoccupied with the "when" will it happen part. We might not even have 10 weeks at all. What if Baby comes early? I was an early baby...

Well, I really started thinking about Baby's arrival when we had our appointment with the perinatologist. You see, we had a bit of a scare recently. I wasn't going to write about it, but I figured...I talked about everything else. Why leave out the one thing that made this pregnancy really REAL to us. So, it all started at our second trimester fetal anatomy ultrasound. Everything was going well. We saw Baby and watched as the sonographer measured his body. He was a good size...a little big in the head and abdomen, but no big deal according to our OB. We left with the feeling that we were having a big, healthy baby. We were on cloud nine...proud mama and papa.

That same day, it came to my attention that being a big baby is not a good thing at all. That it's NEVER good! And to make it worse...that it might be my fault!! You gotta be kidding me! I barely eat to begin with, and somehow I made the baby big?! That night, I had my first pregnancy nightmares. All of them had the same running theme....that I'm a bad mother. To say that I was upset would be a huge understatement. I was scared, ashamed and very angry. Scared and ashamed that I might be responsible for Baby's unusual measurements. Angry that the bliss of our ultrasound was so short-lived. I literally felt like I had been slapped in the face. I mean, if something was wrong...wouldn't our doctor have told us? She's the expert, so her opinion is the only one that matters, right? If I had done something wrong...wouldn't she have corrected me?

Well, moving forward. The next few weeks were awful. I took on a few shifts and spent any chance I could to scan Baby myself. I measured over and over again. And here's where it gets crazy. At the doctor's office, he wasn't measuring all that big...in fact, he was within range. But every week that went by since, his head would grow significantly faster than the rest of his body. It's hard to explain if you don't scan, but basically when you're measuring, if you move your cursor even a couple of millimeters, you're adding on another week to the measurement. So, I was really careful when measuring...but to no avail. Even when other techs scanned me, they came to the same conclusion. The only mercy I had was that I was the only one freaking out. Everyone who scanned me kept saying his head was fine..that the brain looked good and that this was normal. So that kept my insanity at bay until our next appointment.

My concern was growing at the same rate as Baby's head. So, I asked the doctor for a second anatomy survey. Baby was looked at that same day. Only this time, I think the tech was thinking the same thing I was. Why is this baby's head so big?? So she started searching for a reason. And I can honestly say that from that moment, I was like a zombie. Numb and in a daze. I watched as she measured the baby's ventricles, which really got me spinning. And our OB admitted that she herself was not an ultrasound expert and that she would feel better referring us to a specialist for a more thorough exam of the baby. SAY WHAT?!?! I can tell you that I after that statement, pretty much everything else she said sounded like Charlie Brown's mom. P and I were absolutely devastated. Everything that I had learned in school about fetal anomalies came rushing back to me. I can't believe I didn't pass out because I'm certain I stopped breathing at some point. Ventriculomegaly, hydrocephalus, Dandy-Walker....all these awful, AWFUL things I knew about but never thought I would ever experience on a personal level!!! If you thought I was feeling guilty before, you have no idea the abyss I sunk into after that second ultrasound.

The two weeks of waiting for insurance authorizations and finally getting an appointment with a perinatologist FELT LIKE FOREVER!! The few times I worked during that time, I took advantage and really scrutinized Baby's brain. Again, I had other techs do the same. Our final conclusion was that Baby's brain was fine. His ventricles were fine. Everything looked fine. But still....I wanted to hear it from the perinatologist. Only then can I breathe again.

Well, I call this long story "The Big Scare" because that's all that it ended up being. The appointment was not only reassuring, but very enlightening. It turns out...our baby is Korean. That's right. According to our perinatologist, Korean babies tend to run big quite often, especially the head. I believe his exact words were that "the baby has a Korean head." He even said that these babies are often very intelligent as well. Well, I'm not holding my breath on that because I know a lot of dumb, big-headed people. So, there goes that theory. But obviously, P and I were very relieved. I was so relieved, in fact, I could've had a bowel movement right then and there. TMI? Sorry.

I kept wondering to myself...in all the OB scans I've done...why hadn't I come across this phenomenon? Why did I have to freak out like that, when it's supposedly very common. Then it dawned on me. I never scan Korean babies! Perhaps if I had had more experience with that...The Big Scare would never have happened. Regardless, I'm back to enjoying this pregnancy. I use the word "enjoying" very lightly because I have never felt so uncomfortable in my life. Sitting, standing, walking, laying down....there is no position I can find that is a relief to what is now a constant hum of aches and extreme fatigue. Most nights, I spend tossing and turning, taking trips to the restroom and clutching my pillow every time Baby decides to score the winning goal in my belly. He's quietest in the morning, and that is the only time I get any real sleep. Oh, and it's hot now. Like HOT HOT!! I guess summer finally decided to show its ugly face. I will, however, thank Mother Nature for the unprecedented cool weather we were experiencing up until now.

With the clock ticking, P and I are working hard to get Baby's room ready. We're almost done. Just a bit of spackle and some new paint will do. After that...we can buy a crib!!! Don't get me wrong. We have a ton of other things to do before this baby gets here. All those books I've been avoiding...gotta read those. Gotta start making a hospital bag. Gotta wash all those baby clothes. Gotta have a baby shower. Gotta find a pediatrician. The list never ends. I'm super excited for what's to come. Though I will admit, there are days where I still can't believe I'm pregnant. I have gone through the longest emotional roller coaster known to woman during this pregnancy. I don't know what I would've done without P's tireless support and love. Even now, though I'm no longer feeling sick, P has continued to take care of me and Baby. Though I may sit here planning, nesting and thinking about all that needs to be done, P is the one who has to actually physically do them. I'm sure he's exhausted. I wonder when we're both going to be able to sleep a full night's rest again. 2012?? 2014? You know what...don't answer.

Inside Scoop.

Watch carefully...

I know...I know. What in the world am I wearing?! LOL!! It was originally given to my mom by a friend from Korea. It's this super comfortable, well-ventilated, and very ugly dress that no woman should be caught dead wearing outside the house. A Korean house dress, if you will. I'm not ashamed of wearing it. It's the only thing I can stand to wear these days anyway. In fact, I'm never giving it back!

But back to the issue at hand. That display of belly quakes is just a taste of what I have been feeling and seeing for the past month. The kicks I felt as early as 17 weeks. But I didn't actually see my belly gyrate until about 5-6 weeks ago. First it was just a poke at a time. Now it looks like he's training for the UFC!!

Wanna know what he's doing in there??

So, now you know what Baby is doing on the inside!! Crazy, right?! What is he doing, stomping away at my insides like that?! LOL! It can get pretty intense sometimes. And he likes to stretch his legs and stick his butt out against my belly. I like to take my fingers and rub his butt. I think he's ticklish because he always moves it away when I do that. Little does he know, I'll be wiping that butt for many years to come! He might as well start getting used to it now.

Inflation: Part II "Bigger is Better"

So it's been about 4 weeks since the last photo. My belly doesn't look that much bigger but it is. It's definitely rounder and fuller sideways. My hips and bum are also wider and fuller. LOL! And according TheBump, my uterus should be the size of an eggplant. Now, I don't know about you, but I've seen eggplants of all sizes...so I guess it bodes well for them to compare it to something that varies (in case you're bigger than you oughta be). It's like watching your hair grow. It seems like it's staying that that ugly length by your shoulders for what seems like forever. Then one day, you look in the mirror and realize that it's long!!

Not that I do this often, but I can no longer see my hoohaa. I'll just keep bending forward and forward until I fall over. But I can still see my shoes. Can't tie them!!! But I can see them. The best is how clumsy I've gotten. My hands can't seem to hold on to anything anymore. Normally, this would be fine except that I can no longer bend over to pick the crap up! I really like when I drop paper....super flat and impossible to pick up. Sometimes I just want to take off my shoes and socks just to use my toes.

The back pain has increased to a constant dull ache. I can no longer sit on the floor in the living room to eat. It's too difficult getting up and the hardness of the floor does a number on my pelvic bones. I have to lean on my side and use my arms to push myself up off the couch. And I have to use a similar maneuver to get out of bed. And seeing as how my bladder is shrinking each day, you can imagine how many times I have to do that every night. When you decide to start trying to get pregnant, they should say.....visit your doctor, start taking prenatal vitamins, and do lots of arm exercises. Because my arms are getting a workout!!! I guess it's preparing you for all those times you'll be lifting, rocking and carrying the baby.

My belly button is almost an even plane now. And the skin around my belly is so stretched out...it has a nice sheen to it. LOL. At night, I'm even bigger due to the swelling. I bet if I put a light on it, you can see the reflection from outer space! I put on lotion occasionally, but I couldn't care less about getting stretch marks. I've gotten them before due to weight gain and, believe it or not, they do go away. I think they just tell you it doesn't to sell you all those creams and oils. Besides, I'm a little too old to be walking around with my midriff hanging out, no? What, am I in Vegas?? Tacky.

Boobs. Everyone wants to know if the twins got bigger. A little...yes. I'm not Pam Anderson by any means, but they are fuller and my bras are a little tighter. Luckily, I have some bras that are a little too generous in size. I must've bought them right before my period, know what I mean ladies? Plus they were on sale..so I went a little crazy and bought a bunch. Well, they're coming in handy now! I guess I should enjoy these suckers while I can. From what I hear, they don't just go back to their normal size. They get smaller!!! Even concave. I keep picturing two mudflaps for breasts you can serve dip in. Always functional!

Yesh, the female body goes through quite a few changes in its lifetime. It really is incredible. You can read or hear about it....but unless you're willing to attach a bowling ball to your belly, add weights to your ankles and wrists, let a woodpecker peck your head every other week, lose all emotional control, give up your taste buds, place a rubber band around your bladder and stomach, be stupid, have smoker's lungs, give up good sleep....ALL FOR NINE MONTHS, you'll never know what it is to be pregnant until you are.

It's a small price to pay for the what you get. Something so precious and one-of-a-kind. A creation that no one else can duplicate (putting cloning aside, that is). It was hard to have this perspective in the beginning when I felt like I was rockin' the smallest boat in the biggest storm. Compared to the nausea and vomiting, all these other discomforts are bearable. I just want Baby to be healthy, kicking on the outside as he is on the inside. I can't wait for his arrival!!

Baby Bug Love Friday

What??? I just wanted to see if it'd fit!

LOL! Doesn't it look like Bug has a reverse boner?! You should see it when he wags his tail. Too cute! I was looking at the newborn onesie, trying to picture the human being that is supposed to fit into such a tiny piece of clothing..and in the corner of my eye...there he was. The victim. Poor Bug. I couldn't resist....he's the perfect newborn size.

I often wonder how Bug will react when Baby gets here. I wonder if he'll see him as competition, the way he sees my mom. He loves my mom, but for some reason, he keeps thinking she's going to steal his food and sleep in his bed. I know she's a small person but she's not THAT small! So, imagine a person who IS as small as he is! P and I think he'll ignore the Baby completely, realizing that THIS particular human has no control over doggie treats or trips to the dog park. We do expect an occasional attempt at food being stolen right out of Baby's mouth...but that's later. Hey, at least the baby will never have food on his face. Buggie will lick that sucker clean!