Bros For Life

Just one more day.  Just one more day of paternity leave and the real fun begins.  I'm being fearfully sarcastic, of course.  Our biggest challenge right now is N fighting his sleep and having major gas and no way of letting it out.  Mommy and daddy are good farters.  I guess not all things come naturally.   It seems so painful and he's so unhappy at times, I feel angry for him.  No little baby should have to go through this.  Now I must try to figure what is causing his gas.  This oughtta be fun.  It could be anything!!  I just pray to God that it's not chocolate.  Though it would serve me right, since I have gained sooo much weight.  Not only is nursing not burning off any fat, my metabolism has come to a screeching halt.  Awesome.  Getting old is a hoot.  Wrinkle cream, an ever-increasing waistline, sagging body parts.  Oh! and I got a postcard saying it was time I got my first mammogram.  Seriously?  We're here now?

We are looking into preschool for W.  Which would make it much easier for me.  But I'm not looking forward to it at all. I'm gonna miss out on so much.  All those giggles and cute little things he says.  Sigh.  I guess I have to learn to let go and let grow.  My baby is going to enter the real world.  Not for another 7 months but STILL!  It's going to happen and there's nothing I can do to stop it.  I am, however, looking forward to having some bonding time with N, like I did with W.

I think these two are going to be good friends.  It would break my heart if they weren't.  Do you hear me, boys?!  It would break your poor mother's heart!!  So be nice and look out for each other.

He voluntarily kisses only N.  Everyone else has to ask him for one.

He's so giddy that he and N are naked.  

Dancing machine.

Pooped already??

I would give anything to know what W is thinking when he looks at his baby brother

Trial and Error...And Madness

So, remember how W used to fight his sleep as a newborn?  It was misery.  Pure freakin misery.  And I still don't know for sure who was more miserable, him or us.  Well, I regret ever complaining about it because it turns out there's a whole nother level of misery shoved underneath that one.  Sucks balls!!!  N not only fights his sleep, he doesn't sleep for more than an hour at a time.  He hates his crib and wants to be held and rocked to sleep.  But wait, it gets better.  You have to walk around holding him.  God forbid you sit down in a rocking chair... you know, to "rock."  Nope, gotta walk.  Gotta walk my fat ass back and forth in a small room, in the dark while holding him as he snoozes away.  This is barely tolerable during the day when I'm awake.  The middle of the night is truly a test of patience.  I can see why enemies attack at 4 o'clock in the morning.  There is no normal functioning going at that time.

Let's try to see the brighter side of things as well.  Otherwise I'd go crazy, right?  Okay, so here goes.  Nursing is getting easier.  N eats much faster now so I don't have to do those hour-long sessions.  I was dangerously close to dropping him a couple times because I had fallen asleep while nursing at night.  He's gaining weight and looking more and more like W every day.  If I didn't look at their pictures side by side, I think it would take me a second to figure who I was looking at.  Crazy.  What else?  Oh!  He smiled!!!  He smiled at P 3 times in a row and tried to coo at him.  He smiled at me just now, too, but we also smelled something rotten. So I'm pretty sure he was fart-smiling. He's starting to stay awake more, which is a bit of a relief because I don't know how you'd fix their days and nights if all he wanted to do was sleep all the time!!  And I hate to admit this, but I feel a tinge of jealousy when I watch him sleep.  Only because I'm THAT tired.  Jealous of my sleeping newborn son.  The shame.  

Awake and checking out his mommy's face (or camera)

This is N at one month.  Smiling in his sleep. Why the yarn?  Why not?!

W loves being face to face with the baby.  If only he would stop touching him with his booger finger.

What do you think?  Next year's Christmas card?  LOL!  He'd kill me!

Right now, we are conflicted with the whole CIO and No-Cry Sleep Solution.  We made W cry it out so much, we're not sure we didn't damage him.  So we decided with the next baby, we weren't going to do that.  But here we are again, at our wits end, letting N cry.  It's the most horrible sound.  I HATE  THE SOUND OF BABIES CRYING!!!!   I've always hated it.  Never able to ignore them when we're out. In fact, in my version of hell, there are babies crying all around me, while I stand in an unmoving line for the bathroom, in the heat and wearing heels for all of eternity.  You know when people say, "oh it'll be different when it's your baby.  You won't mind the sound so much."  SHUT UP!  It's worse because it's coming from my baby, you idiot!  I would definitely use a time machine to go back and smack that person in the face.  (if you can't tell, I'm incredibly tired and cranky.  N has been crying on and off for the last few hours and I don't know why.)

One major blessing through this crying ordeal is that W can't hear it when he's sleeping.  We always have white noise playing in the background and it totally blocks out N's crying even though they are one wall apart.  Thank you, Jesus!  Every day I kiss W on the head and thank him for being such a good boy and sleeping through the night.  Again, a tinge of jealousy that he gets to sleep.  Shame.  Shame.  Shame.  

It's only been a couple of years since W was a little bitty baby.  So you think I'd remember what it was like to deal with these newborn issues.  But I don't remember much at all!!!  In fact, I'm surprised at how frustrated and lost I feel with these issues.  I find myself asking these same questions and am completely baffled that the answers don't come to me naturally.  Again, I'm sure it's because I'm so tired.  What the hell am I doing blogging if I'm so tired, right?   Well, I can't stand regret more than that I can't stand being this tired and I'll be damned if I don't keep some sort of record of what life was like as a mom of two babies.  Besides, my baby is crying and there's no sleeping with that sound in my ear.

Hopefully in a few months, this will pass and N will be a much better sleeper.  If anything, that is the one trait I hope he has in common with his big brother.  Two good sleeping kids.  Is that a myth?  Can it become a reality?  God, I hope so.  

Oh Crap! It's Croup!!

It has been forever since I've stepped into a museum or gallery.  A friend had told me about this great exhibit featuring cars and trains.  Instantly, she thought of W.  He dreams, eats and breathes cars and trains.  Seriously, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if he ended up having a career that deals with something on wheels!   We also got these cool passes for the kids that allow one adult in for free per child.  That's right, P and I got in for FREE!!!  Awesome!  I'd never considered LACMA a place for children but there's actually quite a bit for them to do there.  They had this fun noodle installation outside, which was a huge hit.  I was a little nervous about letting W play in because it is cold and flu season but it's pretty hard to resist when you see all these other kids having so much fun in it.

Waiting to cross the street, holding daddy's hand.

A noodle exhibit.  W LOVED THIS!!!

A smile that can level me.

Daddy!  You gotta get inside the noodles!

Where's W?

O.M.G.  Could this be any cooler?!?!

He stood like this forever, trying to take it all in.  

Needless to say, W was enamored by the exhibit.  I have to admit, it was crazy cool!  I can't even imagine how long it took to design the piece, let alone install it.  It's one of those things you can stare at for ever and ever and still feel like you haven't looked at it enough.  Truly amazing.  It runs for an hour and then off for an hour throughout the day.  When they stopped the cars for the break,  we tried to leave like the rest of the crowd, but W was sooooo not done with his observation.  We literally had to drag him away.  And the only way to get him out the door was to promise him that we would come back after we had a snack.  Normally, I always keep my promises, especially to W.  Kids remember this stuff.  But I had to break this one because it was freezing, I had to feed N, and I thought we had caught the last run of the exhibit, only to find out later there was one more hour of run time.  But we'll be going back for sure.  

Time for a snack.

Well, I can't be sure that this outing was the reason W got sick.  All those germs on the noodles, perhaps?  We've been taking him to lots of places.  He doesn't go to school yet and he gets a little stir crazy at home.  Plus, he's been such a great big brother, he deserves to go out and play as much as he can.

He got real sick, real fast.  We thought it was whooping cough because...well, he was coughing and whooping.  He was vaccinated for it so chances were really slim.  But then again, he was vaccinated for chicken pox and still got a mild case of that.  A visit to the docs revealed that it was croup.  Even the name sounds awful, right?  Poor guy coughed so hard he threw up.  It was all downhill from there.  And to make it worse, he wouldn't take the medicine we got him to relax his throat.  He's much better now but man! It makes you wanna keep your kids indoors and hibernate.  Bears are smart.  The hardest part was keeping N and W apart. Especially since W always wants to touch and cuddle with the baby.  Thank goodness P is still on paternity leave.  Stupid croup.

I guess it's only a matter of time until the boys start passing viruses back and forth to each other.  That oughtta be fun.  Then we'll get sick, too.  It'll definitely be a family affair.  

The More The Merrier

It could be that I'm utterly delirious from the complete lack of sleep.  But I'm pretty sure that my happiness is real.  It's true.  I'm really happy.  I look at my little baby's peaceful  little face and I melt.   I see how much W loves his little brother (or as he says "little budder") and I melt some more.  Then I see how happy and in love my husband is with his sons and it's hard to believe that life can get better than this.  

It's already been 4 weeks since N joined us.  I swear, it feels like I just gave birth to him.  Recovery is taking longer this time around, which is probably due to the fact that I don't get as much rest with a toddler running around.  And while I'm so excited about our new addition, I am drained of any energy and find myself being... cranky.  I mean, I will bite your head off.  Just ask P.  Cranky pants.  Crank momster.  That's me these days.  I can't wait for the days when the boys are old enough to play with each other and be each other's best friend.  Then maybe I can get some sleep!!!

Mufasa and Cimba.

Do the boys look alike?  Well, they have the same ears, chin and hair.  But that's as far as I can tell.  And the funny thing about N is that he's really red.  It's getting better but when he was jaundiced, well, yellow and red make orange, right?  So he was orange for a while and now that the jaundice is going away, he's just red.  I read on a forum that Mexican babies are red for weeks.  Ummm ... I'm pretty sure he doesn't have any Mexican blood.  My mom's theory is that really red babies usually end up being really fair-skinned.  I honestly don't know where she gets this stuff.  I always think that it must be a magical world she lives in.

Can't tell you how happy W was when I he got to hold his baby brother.  Now he wants to hold him all the time.

One of my favorite pictures.

Toot Toot!!!

I know, I know. We shouldn't be taking the baby out during flu season. But poor W, what about him? He can't just stay cooped up at home all day every day. And I don't wanna split up the family. And I'll be completely honest. I need to get out of the house, too. I spent most of my pregnancy stuck at home. Now that I'm ALMOST back to my normal self, I'm raring to get things done and hang out with my big boy.

 With P home for paternity leave, we're trying to take advantage and expose  W to as much fun activities as possible. Poor guy was stuck at home because I was such a sickly and sucky preggo. We met up with some good friends and headed to the one place we knew W would absolutely love. Travel Town!! TOOT TOOT!!!
 

I'm not sure how I'm going to handle life as a mom of two once P goes back to work. I would probably be terrified if I weren't so darn tired. I figure, it'll get crazy and I'll probably cry myself to sleep once in a while, but at the end of the day, I come to the same conclusion. I wouldn't trade this for anything. I may wake up cranky from too little sleep, but it only takes one slobbery kiss from my boy to make me snap out of it.

Sound The Alarm!!!!

Where do I begin? Sigh.  I'll do my best to make this brief.  Mainly because I don't want to think about it anymore.  It started about a month ago.  My perinatalogist found this.... anomaly in the baby during the ultrasound. It's called umbilical vein varix.  Don't worry.  Apparently it's really rare.  So rare that my OB had never even heard of it.  No one at the hospital had heard of it.  I'd sure as heck haven't!  Basically, the umbilical vein in the baby's belly is dilated.  An aneurysm, if you will.   Sometimes this is associated with other negative findings, none of which our baby had.  Thank God.  But there it was.  The risk is this, it can clot.  If it clots, the baby won't be getting anything from me, including blood.  So if you haven't guessed already, there are times when this doesn't end well.  So, upon hearing this, I proceeded to stress out like never before.  It was all I could think about.  Did I do something to cause this?  Why isn't there any information on this on the internet!??  Is he kicking enough?   Is it because of my thyroid?  Is he going to be okay?

My mind was going nonstop.  My next appointment was 4 weeks later.  It was an eternity.  Luckily, this baby was an acrobat so kick counting was a cinch.  As long as he was kicking me, I was happy.  He's alive in there.  Meanwhile, I had to go to the hospital twice a week for NST and AFI tests.  On top of that, I had weekly appointments with my OB.  It was a lot of driving and waiting around.  Not fun, but necessary.  Anyway, fast forward to the next appointment with my perinatologist.  I wanted to ask him about what would happen if we got the baby out early.  I figure if the baby doesn't need his vein anymore, the risk is gone, right?  So let's make it happen!!!  Well, I didn't have to mention a thing.  He basically told me to head to hospital and induce that night!  Um.... say what?  I don't even have my hospital bag packed!!  And not to mention, we have no clean clothes for the baby!  OMG.  I called P immediately and told him to get ready.  My mom had to haul ass to our house so she could watch W.  We were sooooo not ready.

We get to hospital and start the induction right away.  Now I've always heard that the second baby is always easier.  Easier in labor, shorter in time, and less painful to push out.  Well...I guess I'll be the person to tell you otherwise.  I labored about the same amount of time.  And I pushed for almost the same amount of time.  But this kid has a much smaller head than W.  PHEW!   So, unlike the first time, I was able to push him out without any assistance.  Put the vacuum away, doc.  I got this.  And even though I was hungry this time around as well, I didn't throw up!  I made sure I ate a huge dinner before leaving for the hospital.





























Here he is.  Our beautiful baby, N.  He looks a lot like W.  I mean A LOT!  Even his mismatched ears are the same as W's!  Flat on the right, bent on the left.  LOL!!  During the whole pregnancy, P and I would wonder about how this guy would be able to steal our hearts when we were so in love with W already.  There's no way he could be as cute as W.  That's what we would keep saying.  I guess God decided to shut us up by making him look just like him.  Clever.  His head is definitely smaller and, therefore, much more proportionate.  He came into this world at 4:19pm, weighing 7 lbs. and 7 oz.  We missed the crazy 12-12-12 birthdate by one day, which is great because it was a mad house!  I eventually got transferred out of maternity into the new tower because they ran out of room.  I think it's so silly that so many people would purposely schedule C-sections and inductions just to have that birthday.  Here I am, just praying I give birth to a healthy living baby, inducing out of NECESSITY, while others get superstitious.  Makes me nuts.

Proud grandma.

How did W handle the new baby? Well, we prepped him as best we could before hand. And I think it helped. He would hug and kiss my belly, lean his head on it while saying, "baby inside." And seemed okay when he came to visit. But the real test would be when we bring the baby home, W's territory. He likes the baby enough. In fact, he kisses him a lot, leaving stamps of drool here and there. But I think he misses our attention, too. He's whinier and needier. Just a tad. There have been a couple of unexplained tantrums. I don't wanna say that it's not that bad, for fear that this will escalate. So I'll just keep my mouth shut for now.

At first, he was more interested in the iPhone than his new baby brother.  

The first of many kisses.  

Sunbathing because he's jaundiced. 

Sigh.  Big exhale of relief that our new baby boy is here, safe and so far, healthy.  He's adorable and sweet and more than I could've ever asked for.  If I could do anything for W, it would be to give him a friend for life. I was completely overwhelmed when I realized my dream of having a sibling had been realized through W.  For whatever reason, God has decided to give me this beautiful life and I hope I never take it for granted.  Mother of two boys.  Let the fun begin!!!

This photo is just for kicks.  My mom takes W out for walks everyday.  Little did I know she was putting MY winter accessories on my son.  I guess this is what my daughter would look like.   

Santa, I Hope You're Reading This.

If I could type laying on my side, I'd be very happy right now.  Though people keep telling me I'm small for 8 months, I feel enormous and I can't tell you how many times I've imagined sawing off my own thighs just so they won't push up against my belly.  As I grow increasingly larger and more uncomfortable, I am also getting more and more excited about meeting Jaws.  We can only guess that he's going to look a lot like W but in the recent ultrasounds, he has been covering his face so we can't really know.  We have narrowed our list of possible names and I'm seriously considering leaving up to the good folks on FB to decide for us.  NOT!  Well, I dunno.  Maybe.

As for W, he's been fighting something for the past few days.  It's only a fever on and off...but it's been making him cranky.  Either that or he's finally entering the phase of the Terrible Twos.  Regardless, I worry about how he will handle having to share me and P with another child.  And I'm even more terrified of the day P goes back to work from paternity leave.  I remember being soooo scared of taking of care of W on my own, I didn't sleep for the last week of P's leave.  But it ended up being fine and I got into a rhythm very quickly.  

But this time will be different, right?  TWO KIDS!!!  So, in light of our upcoming addition, I've decided that this will be the only Christmas that W gets spoiled rotten!!!  Until now, he's had a very humble amount of gifts for the holidays.  Even this last birthday, as a family, we kind of disappointed him.  Not that he would notice, given that he's only 2 years old.  LOL!  But still.   So, this holiday season, I want him to have lots of gifts to open and more importantly, lots of DISTRACTIONS for when the baby gets here.  Do you see where I'm going with this?  It's not that I want to spoil him.  Heck, no!  And take it from me, you can spoil a child in many other says other than with material things.  I just really want as much help as I can get from "Santa" so that W has something to play with while I'm nursing and things like that.  As a stay-at-home mom, you get quite desperate and all schools of thought go out the window when you're just trying to stay sane.  I can just hear you other moms out there, nodding your heads, agreeing with me.  

This Christmas will definitely be different, no matter what happens.  All I have on the brains is a healthy baby and a happy older brother.  That's it.  I care little for the holidays.  I care even less for my own birthday, even though it's a kind of a big one.  God, if you can hear me, just please please please let us end this 2012 year with tears of joy.  If all goes well, I can ring in the new year along with the rest of society.  But until then, tick tock tick tock.

He sees the carousel and he can hardly walk fast enough.

So happy he's dancing!!!

Look at that face!