Choo-Choo!!!!

We got word from a friend that Thomas was in town.  Day Out With Thomas is what they call it. So, duh, we HAD to go see him!!  We went all the way to Fillmore to see the famous blue train.  I won't lie and say W was super excited about it.  I'm not sure he understood what was going on half the time.  He was so hot and out of it for the most part.  Unfortunately, my poor W takes after me.  He has no tolerance for heat.  Sigh.  But it was really cool to see and boy! do a lot of people love that train!!!  They only come around once a year, traveling the nation for all the Thomas train lovers to enjoy.  So it gets pretty crowded.  

They had a bunch of old trains you could explore and climb on.

They even had a fire truck with a fireman who would take you up to see all the gadgets and such.  But like I said, W was in a funky mood.  He didn't even want to get close to it.  We had to force him to take the picture on the back of truck with daddy.  You'll thank us later, son.  

Tents with activities for the kiddies.

Sir Topham Hatt was there!

What?  I can't hear you.  I'm hot.

Awwww!!!  My little cutie!

N's first train ride!

Fake smile.  I love his fake smile.

Look at my baby's red cheeks :(

Even N was hot.  Look at him pulling his pants up. 

I always get a little worried when I see this train tables at toy stores.  W wants to play with them so badly, but there's always some aggressive kids, hogging all the trains and W just stand there, looking me with those sad eyes, asking for a train to play with.  I can't just take from a kid, can I?  It's a great opportunity for W to see what sharing is about, and sometimes the parents are real good about it and asks their kid to share with W.  

But as you can see, W isn't too great at it himself.  He thinks sharing is when you offer someone else what you have and they say "no" so you can keep it.  He'll offer, but then gets real upset if you actually take it.  And he gets worried that other kids are going to jack him, which happens all the time, he starts to hoard the ones he can get his hands on.  He'll just walk around the table with a bunch of trains in his arms.  

The only decent picture I got of Thomas.

Muah!!  I love this face!

Um, somebody gave our son some cherry slushie.

Daddy is trying to teach W the concept of sharing again.

THe House Of Brotherly Love

All I do is go on eBay and buy trains.   I'm not kidding.  I'm totally addicted to rush the of a closing auction.  Of course, it's great when I win and sucky when I don't.  But it's all in good fun and besides, W loves his Thomas trains so much, so it makes it very gratifying as well.  Especially since there is no way I'm paying full price for those things!  Honestly, $21 for a wooden train??  Really?

I recently read this article written by a women who regrets having her children.  I know.  It sounds awful.  I mean, to feel that way is one thing.  But to publish an article about it for the whole world to see...that's just cruel.  Here's the thing.  I get what she's talking about.  I really do.  Being a mother was not what she envisioned for her future and it has cramped her otherwise very nice lifestyle.  She had to give up so much of her time and life for children she never wanted and she just wanted to express that.  I get it.  It's not easy going from having your own life, doing as you please whenever you please, to the complete opposite.  And it's all for people who care nothing for you!  Let's face it, kids are selfish creatures by nature.  They only know me, me, me.  That's why God designed them to be so undeniably adorable so that you don't mind giving up everything for them!! Right, God?

She also states that she loves her children very much and would cut off her arm if they needed it.  Ok.  So she does LOVE them.  What's funny to me is that I kept waiting to read the statement, "but it was so worth it."  Or something along those lines.  Isn't that what people always say when complaining about some aspect of parenthood?  I know I've said it.  I guess we've finally found someone who doesn't feel that way.  I don't understand.  How can you look at those cute little feet and bellies and smell that awesome baby head smell and not feel SOMETHING, right?  I think she's an Android.  That's gotta be it.  She's a robot.

Anyway, speaking of parental complaints.  I'm losing more sleep than ever!  When W, well, all of us, were sick, W kept waking up, coughing.  And I guess he got used to us coming into his room all the time.  Because after that, he has not gone a night without waking up for whatever reason.  For the most part, it seems like he's having nightmares.  Nightmares about a train he wants but can't have, or a couple of times the first thing he'd say to me is, "I want cookie!"  Growing up is hard to do.  How to do tell your beautiful innocent child that there are so many things in life that is out of reach.  A cookie is not one of the things you should be crying about.  Sigh.  Some nights, he wakes up more often than N does.  Those are the worst.  I get NO sleep.  Nada.  If I close my eyes, I stay in limbo where you hear the constant drone of the baby monitor.  I am more anxious during the night that I am all day.  It's awful.  I should be sleeping now, but part of me says, "what for?  someone's gonna wake me up any second anyway."  Save me.

Oh and my hair is falling out again.  That's been fun and gross.  I guess I can add vacuuming to my endless daily chore list.  Not to mention, P and I have started working out.  For P, it's more of a health thing.  He wants to be healthy.  For me, it's more of a I'm too fat to fit into ANY of my clothes and can't afford new ones, I look like a Fat Amy in pictures, I think my son thinks I'm pregnant again and I get winded after changing two diapers kinda thing.  We're also thinking that our diet is totally amiss with our bodies chemistries and I've started to cook a few gluten-free meals here and there.  So far, it's been fun and interesting, moving my ass and cooking on a regular basis.  Another reason I want to exercise,  I can't give up chocolate.  I now know that I have a legitimate and emotional relationship with chocolate.  Chocolate understands me.  It listens to me and tells me, today was a good day.  You did good mama, take a bite.  I know this is wrong, to use food as a reward.  But IT'S CHOCOLATE!!  It's more than a reward, it's a best friend, it's a therapist, it's a bubble-filled bathtub with scented candles, it's my go-to drug.  And let's face it, it could be a lot worse.  So, I won't give up chocolate, therefore, I must workout. 

I'm trying to drop N's night feedings.  It's a little sooner than I did with W.  I think W was eating solids when I weaned him.  So this is a daring attempt on my part.  But I need to get some sleep.  I actually fell asleep while waiting for my in-laws to come over.  You don't understand.  I don't fall asleep unless I'm trying to fall asleep.  So to be sitting in a chair, fully dressed with my cell phone in hand and to fall asleep, that says a lot about how sleep-deprived I am.  It never happens, I'm telling you.

Still, as tired as I am, I'm still so blessed to have these two awesome cuties as my sons.  I get to witness their relationship grow and it's oh so cute!  W is so sweet and crazy in love with his baby brother.  He's already claimed him as his.  He always says, "MY mommy.  MY daddy."  And now it's "MY Nicholas."  His smothering has only grown in intensity.  I always have to watch him because he likes to rub his big hard head against N's and it can be painful.  And he's always asking me, "want to hold him?  Want to hug?"  Don't you just love that he asks permission?  Such a good boy.  I just hope this brotherly love continues until they are old and gray.  I hope they always rely on each other, especially when P and I are long gone.  

Let me look into you eyes.

Want to hug?

LOL!

Look at W closing his eyes, totally in the moment.

He loves when N does tummy time.  

Poor N.  Just don't choke him, son. That would be bad.

My personal favorite.  LOL!!  

You Made It!

Let's party!  N is 100 days old!!  This means I have about 8 months to plan his first birthday party.  That's just not enough time!!  And I have W's 3rd birthday party to plan as well.  We totally didn't do anything for his 2nd birthday because I was all pregnant and nuts, so I gotta make up for it this year.  Trains.  That's all I'm gonna say.  It's going to be about trains.  Then 3 months later....it's N's big Dohl!  I know it's stupid to think I have to do a lot for their birthdays, especially when they're so young.  I guess I just secretly love planning these sort of parties.  Also, I want them to look back on their pictures one day and know that we make a big deal about their birthdays because it is a big deal.  I'm so loving life with these two boys, I want to celebrate their births in a big way, know what I mean?  

We decided to keep N's baek-il celebration small and at home.  The truth is, we just don't have a location in the OC that would accommodate a bigger crowd, like the rest of P's family.  So, it was just the grandparents and a couple of good friends.  Plus, we're all sick again!!  Unbelievable!!

One thing I absolutely love about N is how chill he is.  I remember W at this age.  He was (and still is) very sensitive to the presence of others.  He really wasn't a fan of crowds and being fussed over.  N just took the whole thing in stride.  I thought he would lose when the grandparents were cracking up over something W was doing.  It. Was. Loud.  But he just sat there in his bouncer, taking it all in.My MIL rented the towers and brought the dduk.  And my mom did all the cooking.  It's been a long time since my mom had to cook for a party.  She used to do it all the time.  I remember this well because I got stuck cleaning the whole house by myself.  One of the disadvantages to being an only child.  Not to mention the fact that my parents are quite messy.  Anyway, she went overboard and cooked a whole bunch of stuff.  W, of course, was happy to have so many people to talk to about .... whatever it is he likes to talk about.  He spent the first 10 minutes showing everybody his new train, Belle.  So cute.  Our good friends and their little one came over later on and we all went for a nature walk around our neighborhood.  The kiddos had a blast throwing the ball around and making grandpa chase after it.  It was a really great day.  Good people and good food.  I wish we could do this everyday.   

Doesn't W look so big!?  BTW, that's his fake smile.

A rare family photo.

I don't know why they all look so surprised.  

My mom would kill me if I didn't take a photo of the spread.

The man of the hour.  Same outift W wore on his baek-il. 

Sweet Child Of Mine

Let the toddler activities begin!  Loves the water beads!!

It's been a few weeks now of just me and the boys while P is at work.  It's hard and tiring.  But it's only hard because I'm tired, does that make sense?  To be completely honest, it's not so bad.  Especially since my mom comes by a few times a week in the afternoon to help out with the baby.  This allows me to take a short nap with W, which is sooooo important.  Of course, I love snuggling with my boy, too.  The truth is, W makes it easier than it should be.  Saying this may bite me in the ass later, but he no longer throws fits and seems to have mellowed out quite a bit.  He was pretty mellow to begin with so you can imagine, it's been pretty nice.  I can reason with him and he understands that most of the time, he'll get what he wants if he waits.  The best part is watching him interact with his baby brother.  He's crazy about him.  He's always running over to kiss him and hug him.  And he loves to climb up on the side of the crib to see him.  Once, N was crying and W dropped his toys and ran upstairs.  I snuck up behind him and watched him look into the crib and say, "Are you ok, baby?  Go to sleep, baby!  Don't cry."  I was a puddle.  Sooo sweet!  And he's always wanting to pick him up, putting his arms around the baby, saying "Want baby?  Take baby out?"  In the morning, after a snuggle and a few books, we head downstairs.  I always say that we have to wait so I can get the baby and he comes marching in behind me into the baby room and says, "Come on, N!  Let's go!" and heads to the stairs.  Such a big brother already.

This isn't to say that W doesn't have his moments.  Sometimes I feel like he's jealous of the attention we give N.  Though I'll admit that N gets neglected quite a bit.  If he is ever jealous, he never takes it out on the baby, thank goodness.    I try to give W a lot of attention and teach him that he's responsible for N as well.  Sometimes he gets so happy around N that he doesn't know his own strength.  I swear N looks a little scared when he sees W coming.  But it could just be my imagination. 

When the weather finally warms up, we'll be able to take this messy activity outside!! 

I'm going to enjoy this brotherly love as much as I can because I know any day now, it could all change.  And I know it won't be long before they are fighting over toys and hitting each other.  Not sure how I'll handle that, especially since I'm an only child.  I have very little tolerance for whiny kids so I can imagine myself being quite militant.  I know.  I know.  Shocker.

Perhaps I should take one of these photos and frame it for the boys to see everyday.  That way when they're not getting along, they'll be reminded there was once a time when they loved each other.  I have always wanted an older brother.  ALWAYS.  So, it fills me with so much joy to know that N has an awesome one.

Love N's nonchalance.

I'm so over this.  

Great.  He's a hugger.  Sigh.

Really, how can I complain?  I get to hang out with these two handsome fellers all day.  What do you think? Do they look alike?  

Are You Ready To Rumble?!?!?!

Okay, I had something else written before this post.  But it's been one of those days and I gotta vent.  For starters, we're still all sick.  Oh that's right, we're ALL sick.  It's been over two weeks and we've been basically fighting the cold of the century.  I guess I should be thankful that it's not the flu, but c'mon!  Over two weeks!!!  And AFTER P goes back to work from paternity leave?!  Have mercy on me, please!!

So, there have been nights when W will cough so hard that he pukes in his crib.  Last night was one of those night.  I know what you're thinking.  What about a humidifier?  What about Vapo rub on his feet?  What about, what about...what about!  Well, we're doing it all, but he still coughs, okay?  And there isn't much in the way of medicine for a 2-year-old.  So whaddaya gonna do?  I didn't have any clean sheets so I just wiped up what I could and put a towel over it and put him back to bed.  He woke up happy this morning but then spent the rest of the morning deciding that being glued to my right side was more fun than playing with trains and cars.   Awesome.

Nap time.  Thank God W and N's nap synced today!  They usually don't.  Grandma comes over and takes over with the baby while I get some zzzzz's with W.  But he wakes up wailing.  Totally unhappy and cranky.  Bad dream?  Feeling sick?  It's mommy and not daddy?  Probably all of the above.  Sigh.  So I finally calm him down enough to go downstairs so he can eat.  But he promptly loses it when he sees grandma.  It makes no sense.  She's been coming over a few days a week for months now!  Why does he act so alarmed when he sees her!?  Again, I gotta calm him down and get him to a point where he trust her enough to eat lunch, while I get ready for the day.

Where to go, where to go?  Poor W is going stir crazy being home all the time.  It's not only because we're sick, but also because I've been trying to fix N's schedule.  No such luck yet.  I decide my boy deserves a day at the indoor playground.  Perfect.  I can grab some Thai food at the restaurant next door.  Feed N while W plays with grandma.  It's gonna be great.  I park, haul the kids out and walk over to the door.  The lights are out.  They're closed on Mondays.  Oh you gotta be kidding me!  Here's where it starts to go bad.  The security guard sees my disappointment and says, " Why didn't you call first?"  Um, why the fuck would I call first when they are usually open Mondays?  Idiot.  I asked him when the times changed and he said that it's been about a month.  Great.  So I give him the dirtiest "you're a moron" look I could and shuffle back to the car.

Now, W is really not happy.  He loves the indoor playground and that was just about the biggest tease you could give him.  He kept pointing to the place saying, "Want to go there!  Want to go there!"  I didn't know what to do , so I said that we'd go to Target!  Yay!  We love Target.  They got toys for him, stuff for me.  I can do a little shopping and get some retail therapy.

I park.  W and grandma get out first.  I'm taking the baby out of the car seat when I see this lady walks up to W to say hello.  Which normally would be fine, but today is not a good day.  It's a grumpy day all across the board and I can already tell this is going to go bad.  W loses it and starts to cry, clinging on to my mom.  And the lady is just standing there, like as if he's just gonna snap out of it and give her a big hug or something.  Dumb ass.  So then I give a big sigh and close my eyes.  Clearly I'm upset as well.  Then I say, "thanks a lot."  Not really to her, cause she's not standing anywhere near me.  I'm still getting out of the car at this point.  We start walking in and she says to me, "it's because you spoiled him." Say what, bitch?!

Me:  How does being shy make him spoiled?  Wow!
Bitch:  It's because you spoiled him. (shaking her head)
Me:  How dare you judge me being a mother!  How dare you!
Bitch:  Don't yell at me!  You should respect your elders!
Me:  Not when they're stupid I don't!  How dare you judge me as a mother!
Bitch:  I wanted to say hi because I love kids.
Me:  And just because he cries makes him spoiled?  He's shy!!  You stupid bitch.  (that's right, I said it)
Bitch:  (gasp)  You are yelling at me and call me stupid?!  You have no respect for elders!
Me:  You should be ashamed of yourself.  Walking around and judging people!  Who are you to judge me!??!
Bitch:  You yelling at me?!
Me:  Just keep walking. You should just keep walking.  Shame on you!  SHAME. ON. YOU!!!

Now, at this point, I'm real sorry that I'm holding the baby because I was boiling mad.  I was about clock her.  Then she stops walking and gets in my face...

Bitch:  No, you keep walking.
Me:  Shame on you.  You're a disgrace!  You should be embarrassed.

Then she proceeds to shove me and says "what?  You wanna hit me?"

AS I'M HOLDING THE BABY!!  I lose it!  I start yelling at everyone around, " did you see her shove me?  Did you see this lady shove me and my baby?!?!"  People are nodding and looking at her like she's the devil.  I say, "I can't believe you just shoved my baby.  There are cameras everywhere!!! I'm gonna sue you!!!"

She's pretty much running away, but trying to make it look like she's walking.  And all the while saying to me, "shame on you!  Shame on you!!"

No.  Of course I didn't report her.  She's a stupid old lady, who will probably die a lonely death.  With her 50 cats and hoarded collection of plastic grocery bags.  What do I care?   All I could think about was getting some hot water for N's formula and how I was going to pummel that lady's ass when I saw her again.

Shop. Shop. Shop.  Whine. Whine.  Finally home.  I bathe N and let him play in the water for a bit.  He's a water baby, unlike his brother was.  So I let him kick around.  And I just stare at his face.  Just staring.  I stare at his sweet innocent face, wondering where in the world could I move my kids to, where they wouldn't have to deal with such moronic human beings as I did today.  There is no such place and I feel sad.  Kick. Kick. Splash.

Who's next for a bath?  I bathe my boy and all of last night's puke off of him as my baby is wailing away in the next room.  Where is a cloning machine when you need one?!!!  I'm determined to get this baby to sleep well so I read to him on the floor and then I nurse him.  He's totally falling asleep and I think, we might just bypass the witching hour tonight.  Omg.  It might finally happen!!!  Of course, this is the moment when W comes roaring into the room, all happy, naked and totally amped up for story time.  I tell him, "Shhhhhh!!!  Baby sleeping.  Shhhhh.."  And he looks at me and says, "Shhh."  Puts his little finger to his mouth and keeps saying, "Shhhhh."  Then he gets cross eyed looking down at his finger and yells, "One.  OOOOONE!! "  Get it?  One finger is the number one.  I can't help but start to laugh.  He's just too funny for me to stay in my funk.  I tell him to go to his room and read books.  That I"ll be there soon.  So he walks off saying, "Be there soon!!!  I promise!!!"  Something I say a lot.  God bless him.

I feed N, put him down and he starts to cry.  Hello, witching hour.  Nice to see you again.  I walk over to W's room, plop on the  bed he won't sleep in and cuddle with my son.  We read,  N cries.  We read some more.  And then I realize N's not crying any more.  Silence.  Should I be worried?  Turns out the kid put himself to sleep without much of a fight.  Thank you, God.

I'm tired and I should sleep.  But it's 8 o'clock and I haven't eaten lunch today.  So I'm gonna savor my two pieces of Stouffer's French bread pizza and do some laundry.   I might shower.  I might not.  Don't judge me if I don't.  Or I'll have to kick your ass!!!

Happy Happy??

I gave in.  We took the boys to the happiest place on earth!  We got annual passes to Disneyland after friends of ours convinced us that it would only get more expensive later when W will need a ticket.  Arm and a leg.  That's all I have to say.  I saw some families with 5 or more kids and I'm like..."do you have a tree in your backyard that sprouts money?!"  How can people afford this?  And there were some families there that I swear I saw on that Honey Boo show.  Red.  Necks.  

I always felt that W was too young to appreciate or even enjoy Disneyland..and for the most part, I was right.  He was more interested in the water fountains and puddles than anything Disney-related.  LOL!! We thought he might enjoy it after he discovered the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on TV.  He did meet Mickey and from what P said, he was happy to see him but did not want to pose with him.  Hehe.  I have photos of myself as a child, absolutely terrified of those giant characters at theme parks.

We went on Super Bowl Sunday.  Should be pretty empty, right?  O. M. G. It was the exact opposite.  It was soooo crowded that it took forever just to get into the park! And what is with the two elevators for strollers for the parking structure.  Are you freaking kidding me, Disneyland?   Two?!  REally?!

Well, once we finally got in, all W wanted to do was hang out in the stroller.  He was tired already and a little overwhelmed by the crowd.  Not that I blame him.  Oh, and it was hot.  Yup.  It's freaking January and it was hot!!!  What's funny is... P ran into an old friend and that guy went to Disneyland on Super Bowl Sunday last year and he said it was completely dead.  So it's a mystery as to why so many people decided to go this year.  

It's a little daunting to think that I will be taking the boys alone throughout the year.  We got the passes so we have to use them, right?  Hopefully it'll only get easier each time.   We bought a double stroller, too!  He actually slept for 2 hours in the stroller that day!  He must have been really really tired and overloaded.  See, we need the double stroller.

The line to get on the elevator to exit the parking lot.  Sigh.

Main street.  He was staring at the trolley tracks the whole time.

Isn't his shirt adorable?  

Infant sized hat too big for my infant.  

Auntie J giving me a break :)

I find this picture funny, because we look happier than the kids.

I wish I still had my hat from when I was little.  It looks exactly the same.

The only ride he rode.

P was still on paternity leave so we decided to give Disneyland a second chance.  We went on a Thursday that same week.  Yup! Twice in one week!  We crazy like that.  

This time it was cold but still crowded.  Why??!?!  But we cheated and parked at Downtown Disney.  So, ha!  It wasn't as crazy with people as Sunday but still.  There were a couple of rides that had super short lines so we took W on those.  We spent most of the time in Carsland, which is funny because none of us has seen the movie.  He has a couple of Cars books, though so he knows Mater and McQueen.  

All in all, I think W liked it.  I think he liked it as much as he likes... say, Target or Toys R Us.  Lol!  But it's something new and each time he'll be familiar with more and more things.  

This ride was a little crazy and fast, so he clung onto daddy real tight.  

Poor guy, giving me that "Why am I not sleeping?"

He did a little better on the jungle ride.   He stared into the water most of the time.

Like the flare?