Saturday, April 10, 2010

One down...

Another day of work has gone by. I got to scan myself and see Baby again. Each time I see him/her, I can feel my heart swelling with all kinds of emotions. I joke about how Baby kicks and punches, trying to stretch my womb for more space to play in. But with each movement of its tiny little limbs, I stop breathing and I completely melt. It's more than adorable. Just when I think I've come to grips with the incredible, I have to start all over, walking around with my mouth wide open.

So, that makes a total of 1 1/2 days of work this week! It may sound trivial to you, but for someone who's been sick at home for the past 10 weeks, going back to the real world is a big freakin' deal. There was a time during this pregnancy that I truly believed I would never feel better again, that my days of good health and youth were long gone. Silly, I know. But not all of us are as mentally strong as Lance Armstrong. There are those who have cancer, failed limbs, tragic losses in some form or another, and they know they will live and beat the odds. Some of us have dealt with more failures than wins, constantly falling and progressing little. You tell yourself that there is a purpose for each trial and your mind works hard to justify and gain perspective But no matter what, you still fell flat on your face and that pain is so hard to ignore. The frustration that follows makes you weak, leaving you feeling broken and pessimistic.

Then one day you do win. Can it be? You praise God and do the happy dance. You call your friends, make some plans. And all the horrible things you went through quickly get thrown into the back of your mind where it belongs. You get better and, dare I say, stronger. But you know, I don't want to forget. Why would I want those memories to collect dust, when all they do is make the present so much more potent with victory? You can't have a heaven without hell. There is no beauty without ugly. You see where I'm going with this? I don't want to forget. I want the last 10 weeks to sit side-by-side with whatever joy is headed my way.

Someone once said, "Important things are not easy." Why didn't someone say this before!? That truth resonates in my mind everyday. Perhaps nothing before was so important that I needed to keep on. Who knows. Maybe this one victory will change my outlook on all future trials, big or small. I can only pray that when that day comes, and we all know it's coming, I remember how this baby was worth every pain and sacrifice. I hope I remember that important things will have its price, paid only with hardship and determination. So, please, next time I'm sitting there, feeling sorry for myself and whining, flash this post in front of me and tell me to snap the hell out of it!!!

1 comment:

  1. it's so cool how you get to see your baby at work!!...what a huge perk!..